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I told wh we would leave in 6 months

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sullymeishadomi posted 9/7/2013 12:01 PM

I signed kids up for football/cheer. Dd had done it 2 yrs prior and it was practise during the week and game on sunday. Well, turns out football has practise saturday mornings.

I had asked wh if he wanted to take ds to and from practise. He would drop him off and pick him up. He said he would, then it became too much of a chore after the first week. It interfered with his second job cutting grass (said houses are in our small town). I was going to tell the coach ds5 couldnt attend saturday practises but idiot got angry and said he would do it.

Today is photos. Kids had to be there at 830/845 and would be done by 930. I didnt know about photos til this past week. Times were not given until Wednesday. Wh was furious this morning. He called me at work to tell me I am interfering in his business (said business benefits him and his people in CR not my household, not my kids). He trued telling me kids activities were a mothers responsibility until I told him of the fathers who participated. He then literally said his time was valuable and that is where I cut him off. I firmly said "My kids and I will be out in 6 months. Goodbye" and I hung up.

All I could think of is:
1) earlier this year I took 3 days off and he refused to let me sleep in one morning. I had to get up and run the kids to school while he slept in.
2) same time frame as #1, he told me I had to have the kids fully dressed and fed before I left work (630am) or he wasnt taking them to school (probably suggested by his family or camp de ho).

3) Early in summer when I was doing mgmt, I was working very late doing work someone didnt even begin and he called me constantly for a hour trying to get me to go home so ex-neighbor could work on the truck wh made me take to work.

He says things to me now: xyz will be done now! This is not his way of talking. He picked it up from somewhere.

And here I am asking could he please participate in his kids life. Same kids he says hates me. Same kids he asks "who do you love better? Mami or Papi?".

I guess now that I drew the line in the sand im going to have to follow through.

Mousse242 posted 9/7/2013 12:42 PM

Consult with attorney's in your area, find out what your rights are, what you are entitled to and what his responsibilities will be with visitation.

He's about to get an eye opener.

I take it from your post, he is still seeing her?

Dreamboat posted 9/7/2013 13:33 PM


This was a long time coming. And it sounds like you operate as a single mom mostly already so it will not be much of a change.

Make sure you get temp orders for CS and visitation before moving out.

sullymeishadomi posted 9/7/2013 14:14 PM

I do operate as a single mom. He is more like the cousin who babysits for me. He loves the kids, but visits and participates on his terms.

There are things I know I must do.

I feel whole hearfedly he is still with her....just on a smaller scale. Why should anything change in 6 yrs? When I spoke to her Feb 8 she never said they broke up. She said "I believe whatever (wh name) tells me".

Im 98% sure I saw her last weekend....wearing the lime green shirt his store gave him. Her body type and how she reacted plus her round nose led me to believe its her.

Another odd thing: just yesterday a 20 something came into my office. I dont remember seeing her before. My office is out of the way, small tourist town. To come to my office you either live here, pass through here, work here...not many people come out of their way to come here for what this girl asked of me.

She had a weird vibe. Seemed like she wanted to tell me somefhing but decided not to. She was wearing the polo of the bar ow works at after work. Said bar is 40 minutes northeast of my office. Coincidence maybe, but a coincidence because of recent coincidences.

Oh, and his pissy behavior at the restaraunt two weeks ago. Actually, he had been pissy and abusive a well over a week. He gets that way when they fight.

Im tired of having to deal with all this crap. Im tired of his selfish behavior. Im tired of feeling afraid to watch what I want on tv when he is around, or not being able to talk on the phone or txt or email anyone. Im tired if it all. Im tired of him complaining about being a father then saying he is a great parent and I am a shitty parent.

I do have a question: was I out of line to ask him to take time out of the business he is trying to build so my kids could have their team photos taken?

ionlytalkedtoher posted 9/7/2013 14:20 PM

no, he should do his part in parenting too.

I think that girl was there to just snoop you out. Of course she knows OW. I would say next time, ohh do you know OW? confront her first.

authenticnow posted 9/7/2013 14:24 PM

I do have a question: was I out of line to ask him to take time out of the business he is trying to build so my kids could have their team photos taken?
Besides the fact that you already know the answer to this question, does it even matter?

This is just the icing on the top of the huge pile of shit he has been throwing at you for years.

Actions, not words. Time to get the hell out.

sullymeishadomi posted 9/7/2013 17:21 PM

An, it doesnt matter. I just fell into the old patterns of blame accepting and being a good girl, consciencious of everyones feelings.

I dont know why, but im feeling very sad today.

summerain posted 9/8/2013 01:42 AM

I just read your story, sullymeishadomi. It took about 25 minutes and was filled with angst and pain I could not even fathom to understand.

Do you have any family? I want to make this really clear to you. What you are living through now is everyone's worst nightmare. I just don't understand why you are doing this not only to yourself but your kids?!

Obviously I am not telling you anything no-one has told you before. But don't you think it's time to stand up and rolemodel to your kids that you can't be treated like shit in a relationship? I just can't fathom this at all, how you are allowing someone to DESTROY your life like this.

A day without taking action is a day without making your life any better. Who cares who was in your office at the end of the day? WHO CARES. You know days of our lives?

"like sand in the hourglass so is the days of our lives". Soon your kids will be getting older and will understand more, you are one step closer every day to dying as we all are. You are letting him DEFINE YOU. You need to actively redefine yourself.

Fuck if I was a little older, lived in the same country and had money. I would drag you to my house, rent free and let you get back on your feet.

I am absoloutly HORRIFIED by what i've read. Put on some bitch boots and if you can't live your life properly for you, do it at least for your kids!

p.s it took me ages to figure out how to put this picture in. I hope it clearly defines to you that you can always get more money (fuck i was in $11000 debt this year and it took me 6 months to pay it off, lots of 2 minute noodles)

But your time, and life is running out. You cannot get anymore, it is gone, poof

[This message edited by lauren123 at 1:46 AM, September 8th (Sunday)]

FeelsSoRight posted 9/8/2013 09:32 AM

Sully - you have been doing this dance for years.

You finally drew the line in the sand.

Your kids know their dad feels they are crimping his style rather than that he would do anything for them. They know. They feel it.

You only have one life. People say this all the time. But REALLY think about it. Life is not a dress rehearsal. There is not a do-over later on. You have been completely and utterly miserable for many years. You cannot get those years back. But you can make the rest of your years enjoyable!

Now, Sully - finally, make it happen....NO MATTER what it takes.

sullymeishadomi posted 9/8/2013 13:51 PM

Lauren, no, I do not have family. I dont even have friends where I live. The closest friends live in florida, Texas, Nebraska and all the way out to CA.

Feels, ds5 is totally stuck on his dad. He has daddy-itis.

Dd7 says her dad is mean and selfish. She has said he is mean to me and has told me I am the betterparent because of all the things I do for them. (I never mmentioned that last bit to him as per dd's request).

Wh keeps telling me the kids dont like me. They say im mean. Yeah...I have rules. Yes, im strict. Yes, I yell. But I love my kids. I make sure they know I love them.

Why havent I left before now? Wanting my marriage while not wanting to acknowledging I didnt have a marriage

Then I went through the fear phase based on experiences I had as a child and young adult

Now? Im standing at the edge knowing I have to jump to save myself but im on the edge trying to psych myself into jumping

Im making my plans. I have to find out the law. Can I just move out? I should be able to as this isnt just infidelity; this is abuse.

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