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fdupbigtime posted 9/7/2013 14:21 PM

I miss the faith she had in me
I miss the love she showed me everyday
I miss the love in her eye, and the giggle after a kiss
I miss her head on my shoulder and my fingers in her hair

I hate myself
Even more than she does!
I hate the man I became
I put on a face for the public, and even for her.
I don't want anyone to see the real me.
It's humiliating, embarrassing and disgusting.
How did I do what I did?
Why?
I look inside myself for an answer, but it doesn't come

I pray that one day she will forgive me, she's trying but it's so hard.
I hurt her so deeply...
She says she loves me, but I see the truth in her eyes.
I was so stupid. I always hated people like me, now I hate myself.

I love my wife...

1DumbHusband posted 9/7/2013 16:08 PM

I can't agree more. It just means we have to appreciate our BS more than ever for every day we have from now on and continuously work to show them how remorseful we are! And not just until the happiness comes back (if it does) but for the rest of our lives!

hardlessons posted 9/7/2013 16:20 PM

I remember telling my BW how much I loved her too and I understand, but

I look inside myself for an answer, but it doesn't come

Is a bigger issue than whether you love her or not. I have been at this for a year and a half and still don't have it all down and shit together, so just word to the wise, pining away will get you nothing, finding out what/why/how you did what you did is the only way to a healthy life.