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Lost my sense of humour

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Morhurt posted 9/7/2013 14:35 PM

When H "jokes" with me... it just hurts. It feels mean even though I know he's kidding. I wish he would stop I guess but it's also part of what I love(d) about him.

My "self" is still so shattered that I guess I just can't take a joke.

Will I ever be me again? Will I ever be fun again?

MovingUpward posted 9/7/2013 14:56 PM

I suspect that you will be you again. I hope that you will have an open conversation with him that right now the joking doesn't feel funny. It sounds like you need to have him reduce that right now to help you heal.

Themusicdied posted 9/7/2013 15:08 PM

After each of my Ddays, I felt like I lost my sense of humor, my love of music, anything that touched me emotionally.

I think all my emotional energy was sucked up with dealing with the A, I just couldn't handle anything else.

It will get better. It just takes (the dreaded word) time.


[This message edited by Themusicdied at 3:08 PM, September 7th (Saturday)]

painpaingoaway posted 9/7/2013 15:37 PM

I don't know how far out you are from D-day, but probably for the whole first year after D-day, I found any sort of joking by H felt extremely disrespectful. You know how joking is inappropriate at certain solemn events? That's how I felt.

And I know this was hard for H to give up, because he had always been a big jokester, life of the party kind of a guy.

It wasn't that 'I' had lost my sense of humor, it was more that I found his attempts to joke and cheer me up to be silly and disrespectful of the level of grief and pain I was experiencing.

And oh boy was he in for a rude awakening when he found that his jokes didn't work on me anymore.

He was forced to learn to communicate with me with real words, feelings, and actions. It was what finally allowed me to heal.

Now 3+ yrs later, I'm fine with his jokes again.

Morhurt posted 9/7/2013 17:13 PM

I just feel so sad now. We were all going out to an event as a family but I decided to stay home instead. And here I am, laying in bed feeling sorry for myself.

Pathetic. Heartbroken. Shattered. Sad. Hurt.

He's doing and saying everything right. But sometimes it's still not enough. It doesn't erase the horrible f-ing things he's done.

When I really let myself think about it all... I want to die. Or divorce. Or crawl under a rock and never come out.

I hate myself now. So boring and depressing.

painpaingoaway posted 9/7/2013 17:31 PM

I'm so sorry sweetie. We are here for you. Just try to get some rest. Tomorrow will be a new day.

Morhurt posted 9/7/2013 17:41 PM

Thank you.

I ache.

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