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How did this happen??

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mof2 posted 9/7/2013 15:16 PM

I came to the realization today that I don't love him anymore. 7 months ago I couldn't imagine life without him and now I look forward to life without him. Has anyone else ever felt this way??? It is a strange feeling!

Ariabook posted 9/7/2013 16:52 PM

In previous relationships, yes. This one? Nope! If anything, I feel like I cannot live without the guy. I'm always scared to step out of my house.

soveryweary posted 9/7/2013 17:46 PM

I no longer love my STBXH either!!!

newlysingle posted 9/7/2013 17:50 PM

I feel this way too. It's weird at how I feel like I'm parenting with a stranger now. He's like this guy that I have to hand my kids over to every week that I hardly know. There is no love at all for him any longer. I couldn't even imagine being in a relationship with him at this point.

HurtsButImOK posted 9/7/2013 18:41 PM

Yes it feels weird, this new 'normal' takes some getting used to. We have all spent a number of years being moulded into what they expected of us. Breaking that habit is hard and it hurts. It will get better though (it still feels strange to me).

nomistakeaboutit posted 9/7/2013 19:01 PM

Yes. It's weird. I feel like the person I married and loved would have never done all of this, but she did. Therefore, I realize that I never truly knew her, and it's hard to love someone who you never knew. I definitely do not love the person that I see her to be now.

SBB posted 9/7/2013 19:26 PM

I was kind of surprised about it too because it felt like it happened overnight. Truth is it was happening incrementally, little by little. With each new monstrous thing he tried to pull in this SD I loved him less and less.

I remember the moment I felt that last bit of love and affection for him leave my body - it felt like butterflies flying out of me.

It was when he sent me a thinly veiled threat that he was going to use certain very sensitive information about things to do with my parents that happened almost 30 years ago against me in this S/D.

I knew he had zero chance of doing so but the fact that he would even threaten it was so unbelievable it became impossible to have feelings for him at that point.

I now look back and am astonished that I was ever fearful about life without him. It rocks.

homewrecked2011 posted 9/7/2013 19:39 PM

Just hearing his voice reminds me of how happy I am to NOT hear that voice every evening. When I see him (rarely) I can't believe I ever let him touch/kiss me.

I think it happened because I learned on SI that NC=no new hurts and it gave me a chance to get out of the fog I was in.

Williesmom posted 9/7/2013 21:47 PM

Yep. He is now just someone that I used to know.

Housefulloflove posted 9/7/2013 22:25 PM

Just hearing his voice reminds me of how happy I am to NOT hear that voice every evening. When I see him (rarely) I can't believe I ever let him touch/kiss me.
I think it happened because I learned on SI that NC=no new hurts and it gave me a chance to get out of the fog I was in.

All of this!

laney57 posted 9/8/2013 11:39 AM

I have felt this and still do back and forth. I am having longer and longer "stints" though now and I love it.
One night (we are in the same house still), I had the fear of God in me and realized how alone I am in this city. I have no friends, family, or even an "emergency contact" anymore. Mr so committed couldn't handle it. Anyways... He said to me as I was crying. "You know we'll be together "and it through me out of my fear and into a "oh hell no!". I think all this time the fear is what is keeping me here. 23 yrs down the drain. This is a good thing for us survivors!

Ashland13 posted 9/8/2013 12:27 PM

This isn't an easy place to get to, but I'm on my way. It took months for my own fog to clear, as the purple haze that he generated for me to live in was very thick. But now that it is lifting and I am understanding more and more, it's hard to have any positive feelings for the person he turned out to be.

People accuse me of still loving him if I say anything about him or anything nice and I hate that. On our anniversary when I mentioned it was that day to a friend, she accused me of still being in love with him and it floored me...she's never been married or had a very long relationship, though, if that has to do with anything.

I think I loved the life we had for a time afterward and it took a while for that to sink in, too, that it was only me living the marriage anymore...he never told me, he was a poofer.

You're right, Mof2, it is strange and I feel like a very different person, because I was married for so long and totally devoted to that life and lifestyle.

I'm kind of like a fish out of water, flopping on the floor or ground and searching for air, now, in trying to figure out who I am supposed to be and what my purpose is now.

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