So now to the present. One of our new medical interns is marrying one of our recent medical graduates. So they are both in their twenties and both doctors. They invite me to their wedding. I politely decline by their RSVP invitation. Then the intern facebooks me how upset she is that I'm not going. I make more polite excuses.
So the next day BFF (who is the attending physician working with the intern right now) texts me that said intern is really upset and wants me to go. I text back. NO. Then BFF tells me I'm being stubborn and need to put on my big girl panties and just go. I texted back that I have no interest in going to weddings especially after fWS cheated on me. I just cannot stand them.
BFF then texts back that mine and fWS relationship problems have nothing to do with their wedding and I need to go or she (BFF) is going to tell them why.
Well, I flipped out and called her on the phone. She says "I'm teaching class" I said "I don't give a fuck. You don't send a hateful text like that and then not talk to me." It was not a pleasant conversation. Evidently BFF has NO IDEA how much this affair has wounded me in the last 20 months. She said it is because I don't confide in her about how upset I am. I don't because she is close to fWS also and I don't want to triangulate her.
She hung up on me and sent me a text later telling me to go to my therapist. I sent her one back telling her I intended to next week and for her to not triangulate herself with me and other people. I also told her Little Miss Intern needed to grow up and not everyone revolves their life around her wedding plans. BFF and I have had a detente since.
Anyone else hate weddings?
Anyone else feel their BFF or family member Does.Not.Get.It?!?
My mom does t get it. She knows everything he did (basically) but feels that because he is my "best friend" I should let it go.
No it's not your job to help her to get it, but maybe if she is telling you you don't share, then maybe she is asking you to share because she cares. If she's your BFF then I would assume you would get her in the divorce? (know what I mean) if that's the case then you should feel you can talk to her. You're never triangulating your BFF unless they aren't really your BFF. They should be your trench buddy just like you would be theirs. Maybe, if you feel she's trustworthy, then you should confide in her a bit more about your hurt. You don't have to if you're not willing but I'll tell you, I would give anything to be able to call a "BFF" right now and just have them listen...
I hope you work it out with her if she's worth working it out with. I work in the wedding industry and of course I always have to smile when I'm at weddings, but every now and then I feel jaded and wonder why does anyone bother..."he's just going to cheat anyways", but that's on me and I don't like that feeling.
[This message edited by Broken1Again at 6:20 PM, September 7th (Saturday)]
I ended my friendship with my BFF of 14 years because she kept saying to me about my BH, "Isn't he over it already? Why is he dwelling on this, why can't he move on?"
That, among other things, made me realize she was not a good friend.
Anyway, I think you have a right to decline if it's not your thing, and I also think that your not confiding in her is not wrong. It's very personal and your reason for not sharing is valid.
I'm sorry your friend is being so insensitive and unsupportive.
However, I also have to play devil's advocate. If you consider her your BFF, why not confide in her and let her make her own decisions about triangulation between her, you and fws?
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
But as far as BFF's not 'getting it', yeah, mine really doesn't. And I feel it's sort of another betrayal. During my 'rage' stage, I was listening to a lot of rageful music, I was making my sarcastic little Xtranormal videos, and every time I would come up with a new song or video I would message my BFF a link.
Well, after one or two links, she sends me back a message saying not to send her anymore of those links because she "will no longer participate in my 'wallowing' in my pain"! WTF!!!!!! This is my BFF of 30 yrs!!!!
I still can't even fathom it. Very very strange. We have supported each other thru every life crisis for 30 yrs, and after a few months of my suffering she abandons me?
So, basically, I was alone in my pain until I found SI.
Harassing or emotionally blackmailing people into attending is just rude and tacky.
About the BFF. Her lack of empathy would make me pull back from her. I don't expect someone to understand the deep pain that happens after infidelity if they never have experienced it but not having empathy is a dealbreaker for me. And to call you out !?!? Hell no !
Hugs, what we always say around here, when they show you who they are, believe them.