Well this is actually a matter of TT. It turns out there was a prior AP (her former boss) that I wasn't aware of until today. I dug into her archived work email (sent items) and exchanges with him all but confirm an A back in 2006 (between our first and second child).
Thankfully, he no longer works there (he was actually fired for having another affair and for sending inappropriate emails).
While I feel that we're on a slow and painful bumpy recovery (multiple NC breaks but really with checking her work email she hasn't been in touch with her LTAP since November 2012). That was a last straw for me. An ultimatum where I went semi nuclear and was seriously ready to end it all and to my knowledge she hasn't been in contact since.
See the thing is when I found out about her most recent AP back a in April 2012 I confronted her the same day. She lied about who when and how long and I ID'd him a few weeks later.
In all of our post discovery discussions I've done all of the snooping and confronted WW with indisputable proof which she admitted to once backed into a corner with no way out.
Since the AP of 2006 is so far in the past and WW is essentially on a path that for all appearances demonstrates that she is at least a dry adulterer with potential for improvement, maybe at best a reformed one, I'm a little more focused on whether or not she has or will ever have the capacity come clean and clear up all the lies of omission.
I would be absolutely huge for me (and obviously for her too) if she could disclose her truths instead of me having to confront her again. Not that I'm afraid of of doing that. It's just that it feels so empty and there's absolutely nothing gained in terms of trust building when she's put into a 'nowhere to run' position. What I imagine as her taking steps to be honest and transparent about her past with me would be much much better for she and I in the long run.
So I have access to her work email that she doesn't know about and with so much up in the air I'd like to keep it that way.
Here's an example of how it goes... Ultimatum, give me a timeline or I'm filing for D. She writes one almost immediately (thank you keylogger) but never gives it to me. I tell her that by accident I 'find it' and ask her why she never gave it to me. She says she thought she did.
So she's not brave enough to Lady up and come forward with anything that will bring additional humiliation or shame to the equation of our marriage.
Is it because she's afraid it would be the final nail in the coffin or because she thinks I'm just not entitled to hear the truth?
While timeline that expressed remorse guilt and shame but as I'm finding out it's only relative to what I've confronted her with. There’s a whole alternate reality that she's kept from me and I feel there’s no hope in her fixing her shit unless she's willing to deal with the whole enchilada.
I'm actually feeling that I can get past all this provided she able to fix herself. But with that being said, I am beginning to conclude that if she can't come clean and she may never be able to, that there is no hope for a future.
Does anyone have suggestions on how she'll 'get it'? How I can keep my mouth shut and hold down the information I have?
It's like she needs a drill sergeant/ mentor that could give her the good ass kicking she deserves and the guidance she needs.
Who the fuck is my wife and what do I really mean to her?