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I assumed (incorrectly) that he would feed kids at visitation

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homewrecked2011 posted 9/7/2013 20:40 PM

This is really laughable.

Son comes home from visitation at 8:00pm and says he's hungry. He said Dad didn't have time to feed him. WTF???

I just shake my head at his stupidity....

Do they really have to be TOLD to feed their children during visitation from 5-8pm?

Ariabook posted 9/7/2013 21:06 PM

Sounds like my DD's dad. Kool aid and Cheetos, that was his definition of a meal.

Have you called/emailed him yet?

SBB posted 9/7/2013 21:10 PM

WTF? That is disgraceful. What were they doing that he didn't have time to feed him?

Nature_Girl posted 9/7/2013 21:26 PM

Same here. He won't feed the kids. Sometimes when he has them all day he'll get them a small pack of French Fries, but really it's a rare occasion when he feeds them an actual meal. My kids come home so tired & with such low blood sugar they're trembling & crying.

kg201 posted 9/7/2013 21:31 PM

Ask your attorney what the best way to document this might be. Would a journal that records the neglect hold up in court?

suckstobeme posted 9/7/2013 21:42 PM

Oh yes, that's par for the course. My kids have told me they have had chips for dinner, fries as a meal, and ramen noodles for supper on major holidays.

In addition to the culinary issues, my exwh has problems keeping up with their hygeine as well. I've actually had to remind him to give them a bath or shower after he's had them for an entire weekend. He would want to drop them at seven thirty or eight at night on a Sunday, knowing full well they hadn't been bathed and needed to wind down for bed and school the next day. He actually seemed surprised when I refused to accept that although they hadn't bathed, they had gone swimming so, according to him, they did rinse off any dirt. Um, no shit for brains. Last I looked, pools don't involve shampoo and soap.

They have head up the ass syndrome and this will be just one more way that the kids will see the difference between the real parent and a sick version of a fun uncle.

Heal&Deal posted 9/7/2013 21:51 PM

Yes, they have to be told. It is impossible to know why, but they do.

Interestingly, it seems that how they are told is important. Things like, "hey, jackass, feed your kid at mealtimes," somehow don't go over well. Truthfully, for my X, I have to veil it. If I told him directly, "Please remember to feed DS," X would act indignant and offended. Instead, it has to be veiled.

Gottagetthrough posted 9/8/2013 01:19 AM

I had my 1 year old screaming BA BA at me the whole ride home after visitation.

I know my WH is clueless, but I would have thought OW would have remembered to feed my kids

once my 4 year old came home crying saying hat ow wouldn't feed her, they had 1 hot dog left and ow said they needed to save that for daddy.

sparkysable posted 9/8/2013 07:47 AM

when my daughter was I baby, I used to assume that he would actually change her diaper.

Silly me.

So I used to take a marker, and write the time under the tape of the diaper I put on her before she left. Sure enough, she'd come home hours later with the same diaper on.

Then, when she got older and was using the toilet, she'd come home with an ass crack full of shit, because he wouldn't wipe her.

Chrysalis123 posted 9/8/2013 09:28 AM

Npd-x would not fed them either. He often would buy food for himself and make the kids buy their own. If the kids didn't have money they would not eat.

tesla posted 9/8/2013 09:38 AM

ex-shat has no concept of a schedule...if it weren't for stripper whore, teslet would not eat meals...and he *still* doesn't get fed a meal before I pick him up on Sundays. No biggee...I just bring a healthy snack for him to munch on the way home and I have something to heat up at home (credit to this goes to kernel )

Ashland13 posted 9/8/2013 12:36 PM

Many times, DD has been returned to me in a very unkempt state-I know for sure that she had a hair brush!

Part of it for me too, was that this would be done when she was delivered to my work place, late, with no time to fix her up. The fourth time I made noise.

She also has a diet to follow and for a time was not, so that she came home and was sick once or twice and also slept an entire day to catch up from being up too late too many nights in a row.

She also has showed up without breakfast, as it was morning.

What I'm discovering, if it's helpful, is that Perv has decided this new "new boundaries" way of life for himself, so apparently when she is with him, it goes for her, too...but the rest of the world isn't that way, so I appear the "rules and boring mom".

Long story short, I just wanted to chime in and say that the no feeding your child sounds like boundary dismissal, too. I'm sorry.

homewrecked2011 posted 9/11/2013 19:22 PM

They have head up the ass syndrome

homewrecked2011 posted 9/11/2013 19:23 PM

Interestingly, it seems that how they are told is important. Things like, "hey, jackass, feed your kid at mealtimes," somehow don't go over well.

Kajem posted 9/11/2013 23:15 PM

XH and NW would not feed my kids on Sunday when bringing them back. The drive was 2 hours one way, we would meet at a halfway point. I learned to bring a small cooler full of healthy snacks and have something that could be heated up / made quickly when we got home(grilled cheese was a Sunday night staple for awhile). It made life easier for the kids, which in turn made life easier for me.

I quickly learned to lower my expectations of him, that gave me peace.


whyohwhyohwhy posted 9/12/2013 06:41 AM

My kids always come back starving on Sunday night, but he has made some progress with respect to feeding them when he has them.

They say he tries to feed them what they call "hair pancakes" for breakfast.

They say he makes them pancakes, which they refuse to eat because he cooks them when he isn't wearing a shirt.
X is bald, but has a very hairy chest and back.

Oh well.....

peridot posted 9/12/2013 09:23 AM

During my ex's very last visitation with the kids, before he lost his visitation, the OW would watch my kids while my ex went to work. This was last year, June, so the kids were on summer visitation. It was well into the 100s. She would send them outside,in the heat of the day, without any water or anything to drink. They had to get water from a water hose and it was hot water.

She would give them one drink a day. They didn't get any food until my ex got home and made them dinner. Which was usually a frozen dinner, hot dogs, a sandwhich, etc. They didn't get a drink with their meal.

Btw, this is one of the many reasons the CPS worker stopped his visitation.

beingmiranda posted 9/12/2013 09:36 AM

Email him and tell him he needs to feed child a healthy dinner comparable to what child will eat for dinner on a typical night at home.
Tell him next time it happens, you will file a police report for child neglect. Tell him if he is not able to be a parent, you are more than willing to step up to the plate during his parenting times.
Usually some strong words gets their attention.
Last year I called child services after XH left my son home alone for an hour. He was 7 at the time. That got XH's attention real quick.

RyeBread posted 9/12/2013 11:08 AM

Wow, that's pathetic.

Food, shelter, clothes are the basic necessities to life. How do you not do those at the very minimum?

sparkysable posted 9/12/2013 11:22 AM

They say he makes them pancakes, which they refuse to eat because he cooks them when he isn't wearing a shirt.
X is bald, but has a very hairy chest and back.

OMG I am crying!

[This message edited by sparkysable at 11:22 AM, September 12th (Thursday)]

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