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Who The Hell Am I Married To?

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MsRukia posted 9/7/2013 21:41 PM

Gah the list of crappy things he has done runs the gamot. Fake email (which is already deleted apparently), texts, sneaking out of the house, lying to my face, other people knowing, the freaking list is long. I hate this, I am having panic and anxiety attacks now :( it sucks. I live next door to his hussy but he says he's done. But already he waited a freaking month to tell me when they slept together. I am still getting details only because I ask. He is sneaky man. I have zero trust. How the hell am I ever supposed to trust him again? Gah I hate this shit and I am only on month two. I still maintain that it would have been better for him to leave me. It sucks :( he says it's selfish for me to say that. Well he was damn selfish for sleeping with his neighbor girlfriend. It's not fair. Why the hell should I stay and reconcile? I can't see out of this darkness to save my life.
The man I thought I married loved me and wanted to protect me. He was kind, honest, and Godly. Now I don't know who I have.

stronger08 posted 9/8/2013 03:14 AM

He is a wolf in sheep's clothing. It sucks to realize that. But unless he starts showing some remorse and changes his selfish thinking your better off getting out of the M. JMHO

MissMarple posted 9/8/2013 07:56 AM

I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through. It's horrible to find out that the person you married isn't who you thought he was. Mine has been living a double life for years, and now that I've seen who he really is, I can't un-see it. In my case, I've decided that I can never trust him again, and that is one of the reasons that I'm divorcing him. If your WH shows true remorse and backs it up with consistent actions, maybe that trust can be earned over time. Or maybe this is a dealbreaker for you. As for the anxiety and panic attacks, I got some meds from my doctor, and it has helped me get through this nightmare.

silentlyscreamin posted 9/8/2013 08:43 AM

I know you responded to my post and I feel the same. I think i keep hanging on to this person that I thought I married, which is making it hard to leave. I keep hoping for what I "thought" we had, which causes me to stay instead of looking at how "each day" at this point is not a joy at all. Do you have a counselor? At this point, I feel like this is the only thing that I look forward to,not to mention, helps me do little steps for myself and makes me accountable to a deadline. For instance she has me rating my days. It really makes you realize that more days are bad than good, at least in my instance. It helped me realize I am holding out for the past in a weird way. I can totally get your panic as well. I even think i see OW looking at me on the highway when i see a similar car etc. It just blows. I agree with you that I wonder if it is worth it. IDK your situation but I really want kids. Since I am 36 my counselor keeps reminding me of this and is trying to have me move forward and get a consult from lawyer etc to help me get in this mindset. I dont know if this is something you want but you may want to think of a timeline of how long you are willing to wait for him to be remorseful and work on it. That is the boat I am in as well. i feel your pain that it is a tough call. I say get yourself a counselor and focus on you right now. That is what I am trying to do. It hard but necessary. Good luck!

MsRukia posted 9/8/2013 09:01 AM

Thanks silent. He is saying and doing all the right things honestly. All the things that this site says he should be doing. He says he's sorry and wants to prove to me that he can be different. I so very desperately want to believe him. I think I do struggle with what was, what is, and what could be. I am still trying to make sense of it all. To figure out how to come to acceptance and move forward. I have been in IC and we start MC this week. I just know that at some point I'm going to have to trust, even in a small way. I just can't imagine being at that point ((sigh))

Nature_Girl posted 9/8/2013 16:26 PM

I spent over a year trying to figure out the answer to that very question. With each new discovery I was frightened all over again. Not only did I wonder who the hell had I married & procreated with, I also wondered what the hell was SO very wrong with me that I'd been so completely fooled and also complicit in my deception for the entire marriage. I was frightened of my WH, and I was also frightened at how I'd gone along with the program.

Take your time sorting this out.

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