Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: Sunflower96

General :
bff doesnt get it cont.

This Topic is Archived
default

 dayatatime (original poster member #17090) posted at 2:18 PM on Sunday, September 8th, 2013

Wow.I haven't posted in ages but I had to thread jerk this. I am 6 years out from dday #1 and 3 years out from dday #2. R is going as well as it possibly could.

Time and time again, I find myself mourning the loss of my BFF as well as a couple of other friends. The first dday, I told friends freely what was going on. The second time, I drew inward, and processed my pain here and in therapy. My BFF was livid I was not talking about my life with her, though I made a huge effort to stay in touch, ask about her life and show genuine interest. I made a point of talking to her about work, kids, clothes, hobbies, etc. to stay engaged. It broke my heart when she dumped my ass but I had to stay true to myself. I felt that if I told her I would have to support her afterwards, endure her judgment, listen to her tell me to dump my H. I didn't have the energy and I didn't want to feel judged. Plus, she lives far away and it's hard to process this on the phone or via email.

Something similar happened with my neighbor, who kept wanting to get together while we were doing an in house separation. I didn't know how to explain there was no way in hell we were going to do anything social as a couple for a good long time. I tried to compensate by finding other things to do, but they dumped our asses too.

Finally, there was one local friend I felt safe sharing both ddays with but it turned out it was too much for her. She stopped calling me after 18 yewrs of friendship. I think she thinks my husband is a scary freak, that she is afraid or in denial that an A could happen to her. Who know the real story?

It's hard enough that my heart was broken by WH As and trickle truth, gaslighting, etc. I never expected to lose good friends over WHs shit.

I know it's probably all meant to o be, that true friends would understand, that the door is open for truer friends noe, but I never expected to be 52 with so much insecurity about my M and friends. I will never blindly trust either again. But I won't wreck my life by being bitter either. I think I was too naive and trusting with EVERYONE.

[This message edited by dayatatime at 8:27 AM, September 8th (Sunday)]

BS 56
WH 59
son 17
EA 2007, S.A. recovery since 2011

posts: 864   ·   registered: Nov. 19th, 2007
id 6478623
default

jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 4:37 PM on Sunday, September 8th, 2013

(((day)))

I'm sorry your friends are not being supportive. Infidelity is not contagious. True friends wouldn't disappear. Please know we are here for you. Lean on us.

posts: 51035   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2011
id 6478750
default

nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 5:27 PM on Sunday, September 8th, 2013

((((dayatatime)))) That's a lot of loss, through no fault of your own. Honor what you are feeling and allow yourself to hurt for it. I'm so sorry they were not the type of friends you deserve to have.

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

posts: 40250   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2011
id 6478786
default

SoOver96 ( member #40169) posted at 8:42 PM on Sunday, September 8th, 2013

I look at it this way if you can support them in everything they do and they can't be supportive in you trying to save your marriage they aren't your real friends my friend doesn't like the fact that mine does what he does but she is still there for me but I'm there for her as well when she needs support hang in there she might need time to process the whole thing

posts: 171   ·   registered: Aug. 3rd, 2013   ·   location: Illinois
id 6478984
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20250404a 2002-2025 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy