I stopped taking AD's 5 days ago. I had weaned myself to half a dose for 2 months then to about a third over the last 3 weeks.
I knew that the little bit I was taking kept me ticking over but I also felt that I needed to stop taking them so that I can heal properly.
Well as expected I've been feeling quite depressed and teary. Just watching my two children play has triggered me and made me wonder why ex does not want this. I know that it's me he doesn't want and I can deal with that. But, the fact that he wasn't even willing to try and work on our relationship if he was unhappy and ran to someone else, is a hard pill to swallow. He clearly didn't want me or his family unit before the A.
Anyway, this morning I foolishly texted him a question about the A.
He then texted a really nasty text back saying its been 7 months and why can't I stop asking him questions about the A when he's with his kids and fuck off!! Then said he needed to rant. He put a smiley face and a kiss in the text.
This obviously was very upset. I've not asked him a question about the A in months.
Then he texted apologising saying that the text was intended for someone else. I've no doubt it was intended for a female friend due to the smiley face and kiss.
I responded saying that it must be really difficult for him and that I'm glad he had got a wee mate that can understand his plight. This person obviously believes that I am a horrible person who is to blame for all the problems in his life and for pushing him into an A.
Also, I know he doesn't discuss these things with his good male friends. I can only assume he's formed another unhealthy relationship with another woman as broken people attract broken people. He's not good with make friends.
I know this is not important but it did lead to some angry exchanges.
I really feel like I've taken a step back in my healing and really regret texting him.
I know tomorrow I will feel much stronger again after this day is over.
I'm looking forward to that.