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Trigger transformed

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OnAnIsland posted 9/8/2013 17:17 PM

No question just want to share a story about a trigger turning into a source of comfort.

We are in the middle of A season with lots of bells going off around significant dates. 3 years since A started. Approaching 1 year since broken no contact, etc.

A big trigger is WH bberry. He carried 2 at the time of the A: personal and work. About 2 years ago, I helped him set up the personal one, after I upgraded my phone. It wasn't as easy as it should be, given where we live etc. well after he got the personal bberry, he was glued to it. He and AP set up bberry messenger, and that was their vehicle for sexting, photos, messages etc.

And d day happened via marriedOW sext that arrived while I was talking to family on Christmas on said phone.

So 20 months post d day, and we have let that phone die almost a year ago. It is sometimes a problem because there is a strict prohibition on personal use of work bberry. And there is work travel.

WH decides to get a new (not bberry) smart phone. He talks about it for a bit, but then promptly goes and does it. Without me feeling on board.

I am triggering over this piece of technology in his hands, over him fiddling with it when we are together, etc. i have no problem telling him this is a trigger, and why. But there is hope- he loads avocado (thanks Aubrie for mentioning this one), and even texts me.

Days later he has to travel internationally, as he does every month at least once for work. He has travel nightmares on arrival. But he sends me a photo with place and time in background. And he keeps texting me and using avocado. And being more available than he could be before, with photos to back it up.

And i feel so much safer and more reassured. On traveling spouse posts, people always talk about how much those things help. But I had really been old school- strict schedule, free time with people whom I know as well. And phone calls to landlines to establish place in a concrete way.

The phone is really helping me. And I have a feeling that it is helping him to feel more connected as well. It is tough territory for us- the whole A was a long distance thing with just 5 in person visits over its 16 months. So lots of phone, email, text, communications to keep up the A excitement. And while I have wanted to take back texting etc, strict work rules have kept that off limits. Will see where it goes from here.

Hope he continues to use it for good, not evil.

[This message edited by OnAnIsland at 5:19 PM, September 8th (Sunday)]

AFrayedKnot posted 9/8/2013 19:58 PM

Awesome. Its great to see couples coming together and overcoming obstacles. Good stuff!!!

forgivingnow posted 9/9/2013 10:13 AM

That is wonderful you feel more connected to him when he is traveling. We use tiger text. Is avacado similar?

MegM posted 9/11/2013 04:55 AM

Hey there OAI
That is a great news. I am so happy that a this has given you some certainty and comfort.

What is Avocado btw? I haven't heard of it before.

Blessing to you and your little ones.

Meg.

OnAnIsland posted 9/11/2013 06:20 AM

I don't know tiger text, but it sounds similar. avocado is an Internet based messaging app that is only for two- you and your SO. It has some features like sending hugs and Kisses. But mainly sends messages, pictures, etc. When I get a message on it, I know it is only from him, and vice versa. So there is a tangible reminder of exclusivity, and that your SO is thinking of you.

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