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Newest Member: silenceisnotgold (46036)

User Topic: Trigger transformed
OnAnIsland
♀ 34319
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No question just want to share a story about a trigger turning into a source of comfort.

We are in the middle of A season with lots of bells going off around significant dates. 3 years since A started. Approaching 1 year since broken no contact, etc.

A big trigger is WH bberry. He carried 2 at the time of the A: personal and work. About 2 years ago, I helped him set up the personal one, after I upgraded my phone. It wasn't as easy as it should be, given where we live etc. well after he got the personal bberry, he was glued to it. He and AP set up bberry messenger, and that was their vehicle for sexting, photos, messages etc.

And d day happened via marriedOW sext that arrived while I was talking to family on Christmas on said phone.

So 20 months post d day, and we have let that phone die almost a year ago. It is sometimes a problem because there is a strict prohibition on personal use of work bberry. And there is work travel.

WH decides to get a new (not bberry) smart phone. He talks about it for a bit, but then promptly goes and does it. Without me feeling on board.

I am triggering over this piece of technology in his hands, over him fiddling with it when we are together, etc. i have no problem telling him this is a trigger, and why. But there is hope- he loads avocado (thanks Aubrie for mentioning this one), and even texts me.

Days later he has to travel internationally, as he does every month at least once for work. He has travel nightmares on arrival. But he sends me a photo with place and time in background. And he keeps texting me and using avocado. And being more available than he could be before, with photos to back it up.

And i feel so much safer and more reassured. On traveling spouse posts, people always talk about how much those things help. But I had really been old school- strict schedule, free time with people whom I know as well. And phone calls to landlines to establish place in a concrete way.

The phone is really helping me. And I have a feeling that it is helping him to feel more connected as well. It is tough territory for us- the whole A was a long distance thing with just 5 in person visits over its 16 months. So lots of phone, email, text, communications to keep up the A excitement. And while I have wanted to take back texting etc, strict work rules have kept that off limits. Will see where it goes from here.

Hope he continues to use it for good, not evil.

[This message edited by OnAnIsland at 5:19 PM, September 8th (Sunday)]


D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou


Posts: 1482 | Registered: Dec 2011
AFrayedKnot
♂ 36622
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 7:58 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awesome. Its great to see couples coming together and overcoming obstacles. Good stuff!!!


BS 40
fWS 37 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2692 | Registered: Aug 2012
forgivingnow
♀ 33549
Member # 33549
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is wonderful you feel more connected to him when he is traveling. We use tiger text. Is avacado similar?


Me-BS 51
FWH-51
M 31 yrs.
Dday 3-19-11, TT 10/2011, Full truth July 2013
Strength comes from within. You can't get it from someone or go somewhere to get it. It is already here, waiting to be used when you need it most. Believe in yourself.
R

Posts: 624 | Registered: Oct 2011
MegM
♀ 34941
Member # 34941
Default  Posted: 4:55 AM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey there OAI
That is a great news. I am so happy that a this has given you some certainty and comfort.

What is Avocado btw? I haven't heard of it before.

Blessing to you and your little ones.

Meg.


BS / fWS me 41 (@ DDay)
fWS / BS him 39-BlindFreddy (@DDay)
My DD's 13 Jan 2012 / 29 Jan / 27 Feb (Trickle truth for 5 wks)
His DDay Dec 2003 (details 06/12)
Married
3 ch(6 - 16 at discovery)
remembering "Sunshine on my shoulders"

Posts: 669 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Australia
OnAnIsland
♀ 34319
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 6:20 AM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know tiger text, but it sounds similar. avocado is an Internet based messaging app that is only for two- you and your SO. It has some features like sending hugs and Kisses. But mainly sends messages, pictures, etc. When I get a message on it, I know it is only from him, and vice versa. So there is a tangible reminder of exclusivity, and that your SO is thinking of you.


D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou


Posts: 1482 | Registered: Dec 2011
Topic Posts: 5

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