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Newest Member: AdriftSailor (46058)

User Topic: Do I need to know?
roses303
♀ 40161
Member # 40161
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Been thinking a lot lately about the beginnings of the affair. Both times BFF OW contacted WH by email (she lives about an hour away) and started an email/txt relationship with WH. What I can't picture is what on earth WH said that would make OW think that her good friend's husband would be ripe for an affair.

How do you start flirting with someone who you know is not only married but you were in their wedding (for gods sake she signed the marraige certificate). But regardless of her motivations, WH must have given her an in. Part of me wants to know the details and know what he was saying about me. but I'm afraid that it will only make me angrier and more disappointed in WH. He is trying so hard and is the poster child of remorse. Do I need to get more details at this point or should I just try to move past that point since he probably said anything he needed to say once be figured out OW would be an easy lay.


Me: BW - 46
Him: WH - 49
MOW: my BFF from college and good friend for 25 yrs
Married 14 years, 2 Tweens
DD: 5/20/13 2 year long EA/PAs (one 7 yrs ago and one this past year)
Status: day by day, in MC, working on R

Posts: 141 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: roses303
SorrowBhindSmile
♀ 38139
Member # 38139
Default  Posted: 10:54 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

only you can decide whats right for you and what you need to know.

I read your profile story, and i can understand your pain and sympathize...the OW and her family were very dear friends of our family as well. I am truly so sorry for your pain. Its a horrific double betrayal.

While your WH may have given her an in, she contributed to the situation by pursuing him. Its like dangling a steak in front of a dog. she boosted his ego. because she was friends with you...and you probably confided some things in her...she saw a weakness....and she exploited it. Perhaps she talked to your WH about those things...fueled the fire. Gave him someone to confide in....was a shoulder to cry on. Once he responded, She went after him.

I often wondered what my WH and the OW talked about. We talked about it a couple times. I know there were a few things he confided in her that he shouldnt have. But he says he never bad mouthed me to her, and he never talked down about me. Its one of those things i will never know and i just have to take him at his word.

What it comes down to is...get the details you feel you need to help you move on. I will have to agree with you...he probably said whatever he needed to keep it going. I eventually just let it go. Such a hard place to be in. i understand. so sorry for your pain. hugs to you.


Me: BW
Him: WH
OW: My former "dear friend"/neighbor
Married 20+
Kids: 3
D-Day 12/2012
Committed to R 7/8/2013
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle"

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013
Topic Posts: 2

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