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Lackingcourage posted 9/8/2013 21:18 PM

You may know my story, I won't repeat it here. I have decided I need, not want, a divorce and for a while it seemed really important that I be the one to ask since I suspected he was feeling the same way (he has treated me so badly, it didn't seem fair to let him ask ME for the divorce). I finally decided to be a big girl and let go of that need since I was having a hard time making the move. So the other night we're sitting down for dinner, he's all quiet and down, and when I asked him what the matter was he said, "I don't think I want to be married". I said, "Neither do I." After lots of silence and occasional venting of anger, we agreed that we would see MC at least once more to help us figure out how to move forward, and that we would keep the decision private until we have a chance to tell our kids (we need to get DD in a stable living situation overseas)so that they don't hear through the rumor mill. I then went up to my room to be alone and think, and a few hours later he comes upstairs, says good night, and goes to bed. No discussion of what transpired. I didn't see him the next day until after we both got home from work, and he acted like all was normal. How was my day, what did I do, asked me if I was still going to a work party with him the next day. I said I would because otherwise people might talk about why I wasn't there, which would feed the rumor mill. He acted like he didn't know what I was talking about. It has been 2 days, and he still hasn't said anything, and is acting like nothing has changed. I'm trying to avoid him, he keeps talking to me, asking me to do things, etc. Apparently he thinks things will still be the same except for the box we check next to our marital status on forms. I don't plan on having him stay in the house once we go public. I don't plan on doing anything with him unless necessary for appearances sake. It is so bizarre. It's like we decided to paint the living room or something, except then we'd be talking about the color choices. I know we had this discussion=== did he forget?!

gonnabe2016 posted 9/8/2013 22:21 PM

Compartmentalization maybe?
It sounds as if there was a *tacit* agreement to keep things 'normal' until another MC session and a plan is in place to announce the news.

Perhaps another short discussion is in order in which you lay out your expectations clearly. If others are around or involved, then we will be 'normal'....but if it's just *us*?...then leave me the hell alone.