1st post so forgive the erratic & confusing info.
Where to start?
2.5 years ago WH work went on strike for 6 months (union pay of only 250$ per week, less than 1/2 of his regular pay), we struggled financially & emotionally, our relationship was rocky. When he returned to worked he got "promoted" to manager of his department (no training or support from his superiors). His stress levels were through the roof.
At some point during that time (can`t remember exactly when) a "friend" of mine & her daughter moved in with us while they got back on their feet after she left her "abusive" bf.
To cope with all the stress WH turned to alcohol (he even drank at work) & other things (I knew things weren't right but ignored my instincts because when he was drinking he became his old self again, the man I fell in love with).
2-3 months ago WH came to me & told me all about the things that happened 2 years ago (the drinking, the other things & the reckless behavior) & about the A he had with my "friend", that only lasted a few days.
She was the end of his downwards spiral, once he realized WTH he was doing & that he could loose DS & me. He broke it off, made her move out. He started working on our relationship, quit his manager position, stopped drinking & everything else.
He tried to buy her silence by putting her electric bill for her new appt in his name (gave me another reason of course)& giving her money a few times, but other than that NC.
Abt 6 months after he broke it off she messaged him that she needed a few things that she had left in our shed & could he drop them off because she was too pregnant to be carrying heavy things. She then proceeded to convince him that he was the father, he told her that he didn't want anything to do with her anymore & that he didn't believe it was his.
That was then end of it until abt 6 months ago when she messaged him saying that she was going to take him to court for CS, she figured he would cough up cash to keep her quiet again, well he did for abt 3 months then he finally cracked & told me everything.
I told him he had to get counseling & get a paternity test done, he agreed & has already made the necessary steps. After he booked the appt to get the pat test done he messaged her & told her that he wanted a pat test done & gave her the info to call & make her appt. She responded saying that she was going to do this her way not ours, said she had an appt with a lawyer (Aug 30th) & would be sending him papers (it didn't take her long to figure out that if he was asking for a test he had told me everything & she knows that I am not the type of woman to let him just pay her off, she knows if the kid is his I will push for custody).
So now we have to wait to see if he gets papers from her lawyer & if he doesn't we are going to be hiring our own lawyer & sending her papers. I am not letting her drag this out & run things anymore. She knows that if we go after her for custody we will win. She has many complaints with child services, can't keep an appt, has 4-5 possible fathers for her 2nd (the one that could be WH), no source of income we know of, is a pathological liar & all around is just a horrible mother.
And in all that I have to sort my feelings out! We talked abt it & I don't want to throw our family away over something that in a way has already been "fixed" (even though I didn't know it). The hard part is that he has already had time to deal with all his emotions somewhat (I think he just kind of buried everything)& his scars aren't fresh any more. But mine are! I am doing the roller coaster of emotions & trying to heal. But he doesn't really want to talk abt it because it gets him all upset.
So I hope you guys will be able to help me sort out some of my mess of emotions & help me heal.
Thanks for reading & sorry for the confusing novel.