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Best friends and Anniversary ?

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3boys posted 9/8/2013 23:08 PM

My D-day was 10/10/2009. By then the A was completely over and we had moved several thousand miles away. As of now, we are fully R'd.

What I am having a bit of difficulty with is my friendship with my FWH. Prior to his A, he was my best friend as well as my H and vice versa. We could and did talk about everything. There was nothing that we could not confide in to each other. That changed with his A. With the secrecy of his A.

He became my enemy. Once the A was exposed and he "defogged", he was horrified by what he had done to me, our marriage, and our children. Now I have my real H back. The sweet, loving H and father he had been up to his A. Not the horrible, broken stranger he had become.

My dilemma is that although I love him, I no longer feel the same closeness or friendship that we once had. I no longer consider him to be my best friend. I never used to worry about what I said to him or how I said it. As I stated earlier, I could and did talk to him about any and everything. That is no longer the case. Sometimes I feel I have to be really guarded in what I say. For instance, our 25th wedding anniversary. Two months ago, we just celebrated our 28th anniversary. However, I WANT to tell him that I want to have the 25th wedding anniversary that we should've and probably would've had if not for his A. I am thinking maybe a nice romantic trip. Just the two of us. Probably to some secluded island.

But how do I tell him this without sounding stupid? I mean, we did just celebrate our 28th anniversary with a wonderful dinner and night out on the town. However, I still feel cheated in regards to our silver wedding anniversary. Now that I really think about it, our 23rd and 24th anniversaries were lies too. He was engaged in the his EA during both years, but the 2-3 month PA ended just before our 24th. By Spring of 2009, the A was over, although my D-day wasn't until Oct. 2009. Which was just two months after we had moved out of state.

So what do you think? Is it too late for a do-over 25th anniversary? Would you even bother with it? I mean, I know the A is over and he is no longer the man who was capable of conducting such an A. Is it worth dragging this up or should I just let it go?

3boys

[This message edited by 3boys at 11:15 PM, September 8th (Sunday)]

isadora posted 9/9/2013 05:19 AM

I get the insecurity. I don't think it is unreasonable to requ7est a redo

LAFA posted 9/9/2013 05:46 AM

It certainly sounds reasonable to me. I believe that something of that nature could go a long way to reinforce your R.

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