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How to Rewrite Your Past

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TxsT posted 9/8/2013 23:41 PM

This weekend has shown me that there is nothing in this world my H and I can't do together. If two people put their heart and soul behind something, hard work, honesty, communication and respect will win out in the end.

This week will mark my 25th wedding anniversary and our 1 year Dday anniversary. A year ago I was in an incredible world of hurt. I was almost hospitalized because I was becoming dangerous to my self. I felt my world was over, the reason to go on was over, that I had thrown away my whole life for what.......NOTHING. My road has not been an easy one, nor is the roads all of you are following. But it is a road I finally, in my heart, had to embrace fully before I knew it could be possible. I had to purge the hate, the mind movies, the triggers. For myself I had to start thinking POSITIVELY. It didn't happen over night but slowly, with the help of my wonderful MC/IC, my doctor, my friends and my loving H I was able to say....THIS WILL NOT DEFINE ME. THIS WILL NOT DEFEAT ME! I WILL NOT LET THIS MAKE ME FEEL HORRIBLE ANY MORE. Until I was able to believe that any direction was better then the downward spiral I was on, I was loosing my self and my sanity.

I chose to heal myself, for me, so I could one day be happy. At that point in time I still did not know if that happiness included my WH or not and he knew that. I allowed myself to chose not throwing away 32 years of my life. I stopped caring what others would think and started listening to what it was I wanted.

Now, 1 year later we are well on our way to creating possibly the best marriage we could have ever dreamed of. Is there still ups and downs....oh yeah....but we deal with them and move on. I am so pleased with the way things have turned out and I am so grateful that I had the courage to say try. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.


[This message edited by TxsT at 11:43 PM, September 8th (Sunday)]

mesoSTUPID posted 9/8/2013 23:45 PM


TxsT posted 9/8/2013 23:53 PM

Thank you was such a great weekend!!!!


Teardrop29 posted 9/9/2013 01:14 AM


I am sincerely and deeply happy for you. I'm in a rut right now, but I hope I will someday have the courage to accept and be positive. I hope to be where you are someday. I applaud you for your strength.

Needadrink posted 9/9/2013 04:23 AM

It is great to hear where you are now. I truly believe that I will be in the same place as you it's great to know that people come through this stronger. It is 3 months since D Day for me and i still have very bad days but I know deep in my heart that my H loves me and I love him. Thanks again

shatteredheart7 posted 9/9/2013 06:01 AM

So happy for you!!!
Seems like it was a positive weekend for us both. This is also 1yr for me and I made that same decision, after I "killed" her off. Things are looking up

StillStanding1 posted 9/9/2013 06:52 AM

So VERY happy for you, T!!!!!!

lucy17 posted 9/9/2013 07:12 AM

Thank you so much for such a positive post! I am truly happy for you and admire your strength and honesty as well as your words of wisdom.

TxsT posted 9/9/2013 07:38 AM

Thank you everyone it is a great milestone in many ways!

Still...just keep swimming, swimming, swimming!!!!

Shattered....I seem to recall your"killing her off" post. It made me laugh so hard....I could really relate. I have never killed mine off but I did get to text with her directly and I know my in sights for her were VERY HARSH indeed

To everyone else....keep making yourselves better. It is through your own strength that you will succeed, be it with your WS or not!


catlover50 posted 9/9/2013 08:15 AM

Good for you both!

TxsT posted 9/9/2013 15:23 PM

Thank has been a lot of hard work. But I have enjoyed the outcome and couldn't be more pleased.


Amber13 posted 9/9/2013 16:01 PM

What a lovely post, thank you!

Skan posted 9/9/2013 19:02 PM

What a wonderful post! I'm so glad that the two of you are building a stronger, much better tomorrow!

learningtofeel posted 9/9/2013 19:33 PM

Your post lifts my hopes. We are approaching six months and doing well - complete with ups and downs. I'm getting used to the idea of trusting the process because I can see that the downs are not forever and the ups just keep getting better. Thank you for sharing your good news and helping the rest of us keep going.

ccw82 posted 9/9/2013 19:47 PM

T, you never cease to amaze me with your inspiration! You have such a kind, wonderful's difficult not to like you!

I am so glad that you and your H had a great weekend. Happy Anniversary, and here's to 25 more!!!

TxsT posted 9/9/2013 20:36 PM

Sadly I have to report that there will not be any hoochie Cochise thanks to my kidney procedure but that didn't stop me from buying a few appropriate card and getting us dinner reservations


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