This week will mark my 25th wedding anniversary and our 1 year Dday anniversary. A year ago I was in an incredible world of hurt. I was almost hospitalized because I was becoming dangerous to my self. I felt my world was over, the reason to go on was over, that I had thrown away my whole life for what.......NOTHING. My road has not been an easy one, nor is the roads all of you are following. But it is a road I finally, in my heart, had to embrace fully before I knew it could be possible. I had to purge the hate, the mind movies, the triggers. For myself I had to start thinking POSITIVELY. It didn't happen over night but slowly, with the help of my wonderful MC/IC, my doctor, my friends and my loving H I was able to say....THIS WILL NOT DEFINE ME. THIS WILL NOT DEFEAT ME! I WILL NOT LET THIS MAKE ME FEEL HORRIBLE ANY MORE. Until I was able to believe that any direction was better then the downward spiral I was on, I was loosing my self and my sanity.
I chose to heal myself, for me, so I could one day be happy. At that point in time I still did not know if that happiness included my WH or not and he knew that. I allowed myself to chose not throwing away 32 years of my life. I stopped caring what others would think and started listening to what it was I wanted.
Now, 1 year later we are well on our way to creating possibly the best marriage we could have ever dreamed of. Is there still ups and downs....oh yeah....but we deal with them and move on. I am so pleased with the way things have turned out and I am so grateful that I had the courage to say try. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
T
[This message edited by TxsT at 11:43 PM, September 8th (Sunday)]
Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!
I am sincerely and deeply happy for you. I'm in a rut right now, but I hope I will someday have the courage to accept and be positive. I hope to be where you are someday. I applaud you for your strength.
Still...just keep swimming, swimming, swimming!!!!
Shattered....I seem to recall your"killing her off" post. It made me laugh so hard....I could really relate. I have never killed mine off but I did get to text with her directly and I know my in sights for her were VERY HARSH indeed
To everyone else....keep making yourselves better. It is through your own strength that you will succeed, be it with your WS or not!
D-Day, June 10, 2012
I am so glad that you and your H had a great weekend. Happy Anniversary, and here's to 25 more!!!
"One is not tempted by that he does not want."
