Prayers and peace to you.
So many changes.
But an end in sight.
FWIW to share, I didn't want our divorce, but it was me that ended up filing because his passive self would have just let us flounder in the breeze of it all. A ways out, 9 months, the grief is still here but the pain is different-it's steady and getting duller, rather than the heady, anxiety ridden days of worry over another discovery or what type of mood will he be in, now? What will we fight over today? That's all gone now and I can choose to shut him off like a light switch if I happen to hear from him, which is rare.
Anyway...also, our daughter is like yours, he was her KISA and still is in some ways, but kids are smart. I think sometimes a kid is smarter or stronger than given credit for and she tells me sometimes the good things about now and the bad things about now.
I never wanted her to finish growing up without a father in our home, but she even notices that there is more peace and sanity and she said she is starting to feel a little safer with my trying to keep to routine.
I wish you well and a speedy road to peace and just wanted to share some of our experience because there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It's gradual and not always recognizable that positive change is happening, but is there.
And I share your sentiments about being thrown away.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.