SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

This is my first post here so I will give some background.So my boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years. I would have never in a million years imagined we would be where we are today in this cycle of turmoil. This year I had been struggling with my partner feeling that he didn’t really want me anymore, he was constantly pushing me away. I tried giving him his space, giving him more attention, talking to him about it, and talking to friends seeking advice. I was exhausted and didn’t know what else I could do. So in this feeling of depression and confusion, a guy at work stepped up and began being the person that would listen to me. We began talking, hung out outside of work twice- once at a dog park and once shopping. After the dog park it had rained and he suggested we stop at his house and dry off the dogs. I was enjoying the conversation so I said ok, I went- it ended in him kissing me, me running in his house to throw up, him apologizing saying that’s no t what he wanted from our relationship, and me leaving. Oh and I forgot to mention he was married with kids- part of the reason I felt ok in talking to him because I assumed there would be no interest in me in that way. So I believed him when he apologized and later that week we went shopping together. After shopping I felt so bad an wrong about what had happened. When we were shopping I felt so out of place and weird because I was with another man not my boyfriend. So I decided not to hang out with him anymore and I told my boyfriend about what had happened. Our world was flipped upside down and for the past 7 months our lived have been a roller coaster of ups and downs.
I immediately quite my job after telling him because I knew there was no way for us to move forward if I had any contact with the OM. We have made some progress at first we talked about it every day, then it would be a week, then a month. But it feels like everytime I feel like we are pushing past this he pulls us backward and back into the turmoil to relive all the pain again. Honestly our relationship has better and stronger and I want this more that anything in the world- he is truly the love of my life and I would do whatever it takes to spend the rest of my life with him.
So basically I am feeling stuck and need some advice on whatelse I can do. I have quit my job, I have given him full access to my phone, emails, facebook, everything, I have made a point to always ensure him of where I am, I just don’t know what else to do. When he asks me to leave our house I go to his moms so I have a witness of where I am, I feel like ive done everything I can to try and regain his trust and give him no reason to doubt me. I know I should have never done anything to loose trust in the first place and I know these things take time. But please if anyone has any advice I would appreciate it very much. Thank you (and this is my first post so if you have any questions or things aren’t clear please just let me know)

Hello, and welcome to SI, eternallove.

I think you'll find a lot of great resources here. There is a lot of good information both for BS's and WS's in the upper left hand corner of this page in "The Healing Library".

Within this Wayward Side forum, there is also a very helpful post, called "Things that every WS needs to know". I'd suggest reading through that.

Have you read any books yet? A good one to start with is "How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful" by Linda J. MacDonald. Another great book is "NOT 'Just Friends'" by Shirley Glass.

Figuring out why you let your boundaries down, and working to repair that part of yourself is critical, firstly to you, and also to your relationship.

Transparency is a huge must as well, and it sounds like you are doing good in that department.

Best of luck to you. I'm sure others will be along with more advice and suggestions.

I was enjoying the conversation so I said ok, I went

What were you feeling at that moment? How much had you confided in him?