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Newest Member: 4ever2gether (45763)

User Topic: Terrible Twos?!?! What do you call 14?
tushnurse
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Holy Hell - Some alien life form has taken over my sweet baby girl. She is 14, and up until very recently was a joy every day. She pretty much lives her life in a musical, singing and happy.
Now she reminds me of Linda Blair in the exorcist.

Not one nice word for anyone that lives in our house. Snotty answers to everything. She only tells me her life is miserable when she is actually in trouble for the disrespect.
Then every thing is wrong. Too Fat, Too dumb, Too this, Too That. I seriously don't know what to do.

It kills me that she would even feel this way. This is the kid that has NEVER cared what others thought. I am sure some of it is hormones, some of it stress (a Freshman in all honors classes, and in the highest choir) some of it seems to be a very deep seated anger. I remember hating my dad, but I sure don't remember hating the world.

Lord give me strength, and knowledge to help this strong, brilliant, beautiful, girl become the amazing woman she will be.

I need a drink!!!!


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8798 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
woundedwidow
♀ 36869
Member # 36869
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's called "becoming a teenager". Sorry - you only have about 4-5 years to go!


Be careful what you wish for the most - you may get it.

Posts: 410 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: VA
yewtree
♀ 16671
Member # 16671
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

2X7=14

Sorry Momma, she will out grow it, an maybe you will out live it.

(((tushnurse)))


Me(BS)45(at the time of D-day)

Divorced 2009, Closing on house Nov 2011 -
No longer waiting for the other "she" to drop.


Posts: 4707 | Registered: Oct 2007
Phoenix1
♀ 38928
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You've just hit the Holy Grail of girl teen attitude, unfortunately. Keep your fingers crossed that it only lasts a few years. In the meantime, let most of what she says roll off your shoulders unless it crosses the line of disrespect (which it definitely will) and just keep talking up the positives in her life (and yes, she will have a negative comeback for everything you say). Teen angst is almost a ritual of passage, but that too shall pass. Just don't sweat the small stuff.

My DD22 was a horrible alien creature at that age too. Her mouth got her in more trouble than I can count because she didn't know when to simply keep it shut (and I told her this repeatedly, but it did not good). Bad attitude about everything, but had all the answers. Oy! It is enough to make a parent drink to excess to avoid taking a 2x4 to them in an attempt to bring them back to earth.

I got lucky and my DD reached the end by 18 (I know others in her peer group that still struggle with it). I knew it was over when she came to me on her own, apologized for being so horrible for the last several years, and thanked me for everything I did in spite of how hard it was on me. I was speechless, but profoundly grateful. We now joke about it, and constantly use it to DD16 to learn from her sister's mistakes (since she watched the fireworks as a bystander) and don't repeat them (especially the part about keeping her mouth shut). DD16 has her moments, but she is nowhere near as bad as her sister was (thank God!), and for that I am profoundly thankful.

My DS20 just shook is head at all of it and always asked, "What is her problem, anyway?" He didn't get it either and did his best to simply stay out of line of fire (just like their dad)...

Teenagers will test the strength of Job, but hang in there as it will pass. Just keep being the terrific mom that you are and she will shed her alien form eventually!


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1270 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
tushnurse
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for your words of support.
DS was a challenge as a youngster, but for the most part has settled into his own and is a decent person. THANK GOD!!!!
But this one. WOW. I try to let most of it roll, but she is disrespectful to me any time she opens her mouth. The part that bothers me is she seems genuinely unhappy a lot of the time. And Phoenix, you are so right. She knows absolutely everything about anything!!!!!
My H has been attempting to coach her for golf, as she is playing for the HS this year. He took her to play 9 holes Saturday, and to the driving range on Sunday, when they walked in on Sunday, he said that is it I am done. Her answer for everything that I tried to help her with is "I KNOW".
Of course Dad wouldn't have any tips for you he plays just below the real competitor out there, I'm sure he has absolutely nothing to offer you......

Sweet Jiminy I hope this doesn't last 4 years, cause she will be living at boarding school at this rate!!!


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8798 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
lieshurt
♀ 14003
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll take the terrible twos anytime. I have a 16 year old son. His moodiness started at 15 and I swear I wasn't sure he'd live to see 16. He's gotten better now, but sometimes I still see Mr. Hyde starting to peek through.


A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere.

Posts: 13841 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Phoenix1
♀ 38928
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My DD16 does the "I know!" to both her older sister and me on a regular basis. We just roll our eyes. Saying anything in response is pointless and a waste of your breath because you will never convince her otherwise. I usually just ignore it and change the subject.

The disrespectful comments earned my daughter the loss of cell phone (I wouldn't physically take it, I would just have service temporarily suspended and she would find out the hard way after being warned), being pulled from a sports team, loss of school dance privileges, loss of her laptop (she had to use the school library to do school work), and more. Basically I just rotated things I knew she really cared about. After a while the level of disrespect tapered off Had no effect on overall bad attitude, but she began to choose her words a little more carefully.

Her father used to ask ME all the time what her problem was. My response, time and again, "she's 14 (15, 16...), she's female, hormones are raging, and she has typical teen attitude!" Yet for some reason he kept asking, like the problem was going to change. He began to do the same thing with DD16 when she had her moments. I rolled my eyes at him and asked if he was kidding. He wasn't, and I began to repeat my same response (until he left and it became a moot point). He always tended to take it personally and I always had to explain it had nothing to do with him personally. They hate the world and know everything. You simply cannot reason with that logic and time is the only answer (and lots of patience and possibly alcohol...or boarding school... )


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1270 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
lynnm1947
♀ 15300
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've heard of teenager problems, but.....and you are going to hate me.....neither my son nor my daughter went through too much angst. Occasionally my daughter rolled her eyes a bit (still does at 35 this Friday!)but that was pretty much it. Having heard my friends' tales of woe, I do realize how fortunate I was!

Maybe it WAS the boarding school!

[This message edited by lynnm1947 at 2:55 PM, September 9th (Monday)]


Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks


Posts: 7423 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
tushnurse
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pheonix, Thanks for the laughs.

Lynm - You are fortunate!

My boy was a crab from 13-16, but really seems to have had some maturing occur in the past few months, and is quite a nice guy with a good sense of humor. And he would pretty much stay in his room, and not talk..That I can deal with.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8798 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
aLadypilot
♀ 1822
Member # 1822
DOH!  Posted: 3:25 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a 14 year old daughter and so far, so good... (cross my fingers)

BUT I remember being 14 and I was perpetually angry at everyone! I hated everyone and my life was a miserable disaster. (Actually, I had a great upbringing and no problems, really. It seriously was just the hormones.) My poor parents! They had done nothing to deserve the viper that I had become. I outgrew it, thank God!


Divorced 9/2010
Just married 7/4/13

Posts: 4084 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Twin Cities
lynnm1947
♀ 15300
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, I recall what a total bitch I was, too. That's another reason I know I am fortunate!


Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks


Posts: 7423 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
Phoenix1
♀ 38928
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, I forgot to mention the perpetual teen angst comment: "I hate my life!" If I had a dime every time I have heard THAT one I would be wealthy...


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1270 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Dreamboat
♀ 10506
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Basically I just rotated things I knew she really cared about.

This is really the best thing to do for disrespect. My DD knows that if I give her a warning that she is being disrespectful then she better stop. Otherwise her meals are on her own (her big thing is she wants me to make her meals -- disrespect = buying school lunch and scrounging for dinner from crap in the fridge and freezer).

Not much can be done for the "I hate my life, everybody sucks, I'm gonna eat some worms" phase. I just agree with her in a sympathetic manner. I don't try to fix, I just let her know she has been heard.

HTH


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17695 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
k94ever
♀ 11176
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

14 is called "The Gates of Hell".

16 is called "Hell".

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6614 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
Rebreather
♀ 30817
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG! The "I know!" Well, if ya know, then freaking do it!! My now 17 yo went through that phase, and my 14 yo is there now. Classic.

I have to say that I have lucked out in the teen daughter department. She's a really good girl. She loves me and isn't afraid to show it. She does, however, mock me mercilessly. Then again, it is kind of our love language.

The jury is out on the 14 year old son right now.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6653 | Registered: Jan 2011
inconnu
♀ 24518
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When my younger son was 14, I just kept telling myself that I got through 14 without killing his older brother, I could get through 14 with this one, too.

14 is a god-awful age, imo.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12173 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I call that Happy Hour!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10040 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
tushnurse
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for your support....
Last night, it was like someone had flipped the kookoo switch, she was back to her sweet charming self.
WTF?!?!

Lord give me pateince and strength to get through this....


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8798 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
millienotboo
♀ 22415
Member # 22415
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my, I had two girls, twenty months apart. With my oldest I was certain that we would wind up hating each other by the time that she was grown. She was a horrible person from about 12 to 18. Until then, she had always been a precious, sweet loving little girl. I was hurt, confused, shocked and stunned every day. It was horrible. I really imagined that we would cease to have any type of relationship once she was grown.
You'll be happy to hear that she is now 29 and we are the best of friends. She grew into a wonderful, responsible woman and I like her more than anyone else that I know.


M-8 yrs together 11
Me-45 BW
Him-49-WH
D-Day 10-10-2008
In R

Posts: 761 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: South
heartbroken0903
♀ 27879
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went through this as well as a teenager. My poor mother went through hell. Our relationship is somewhat strained now as a result (I'm 32) because she has a lot of bad memories and resentments from my teen years. She had a great relationship with her mom (deceased before I was born) all through her life, so I think she was unprepared for my personality when the Teenage Tornado hit.


Me: XWS, 30s, 5-month EA/PA in '09-'10
Husband: XBS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

We remarried in 2014.


Posts: 2328 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
Topic Posts: 20

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