Not one nice word for anyone that lives in our house. Snotty answers to everything. She only tells me her life is miserable when she is actually in trouble for the disrespect.
Then every thing is wrong. Too Fat, Too dumb, Too this, Too That. I seriously don't know what to do.
It kills me that she would even feel this way. This is the kid that has NEVER cared what others thought. I am sure some of it is hormones, some of it stress (a Freshman in all honors classes, and in the highest choir) some of it seems to be a very deep seated anger. I remember hating my dad, but I sure don't remember hating the world.
Lord give me strength, and knowledge to help this strong, brilliant, beautiful, girl become the amazing woman she will be.
I need a drink!!!!
Sorry Momma, she will out grow it, an maybe you will out live it.
Divorced 2009, Closing on house Nov 2011 -
No longer waiting for the other "she" to drop.
My DD22 was a horrible alien creature at that age too. Her mouth got her in more trouble than I can count because she didn't know when to simply keep it shut (and I told her this repeatedly, but it did not good). Bad attitude about everything, but had all the answers. Oy! It is enough to make a parent drink to excess to avoid taking a 2x4 to them in an attempt to bring them back to earth.
I got lucky and my DD reached the end by 18 (I know others in her peer group that still struggle with it). I knew it was over when she came to me on her own, apologized for being so horrible for the last several years, and thanked me for everything I did in spite of how hard it was on me. I was speechless, but profoundly grateful. We now joke about it, and constantly use it to DD16 to learn from her sister's mistakes (since she watched the fireworks as a bystander) and don't repeat them (especially the part about keeping her mouth shut). DD16 has her moments, but she is nowhere near as bad as her sister was (thank God!), and for that I am profoundly thankful.
My DS20 just shook is head at all of it and always asked, "What is her problem, anyway?" He didn't get it either and did his best to simply stay out of line of fire (just like their dad)...
Teenagers will test the strength of Job, but hang in there as it will pass. Just keep being the terrific mom that you are and she will shed her alien form eventually!
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet
Sweet Jiminy I hope this doesn't last 4 years, cause she will be living at boarding school at this rate!!!
The disrespectful comments earned my daughter the loss of cell phone (I wouldn't physically take it, I would just have service temporarily suspended and she would find out the hard way after being warned), being pulled from a sports team, loss of school dance privileges, loss of her laptop (she had to use the school library to do school work), and more. Basically I just rotated things I knew she really cared about. After a while the level of disrespect tapered off Had no effect on overall bad attitude, but she began to choose her words a little more carefully.
Her father used to ask ME all the time what her problem was. My response, time and again, "she's 14 (15, 16...), she's female, hormones are raging, and she has typical teen attitude!" Yet for some reason he kept asking, like the problem was going to change. He began to do the same thing with DD16 when she had her moments. I rolled my eyes at him and asked if he was kidding. He wasn't, and I began to repeat my same response (until he left and it became a moot point). He always tended to take it personally and I always had to explain it had nothing to do with him personally. They hate the world and know everything. You simply cannot reason with that logic and time is the only answer (and lots of patience and possibly alcohol...or boarding school... )
Maybe it WAS the boarding school!
[This message edited by lynnm1947 at 2:55 PM, September 9th (Monday)]
"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks
Lynm - You are fortunate!
My boy was a crab from 13-16, but really seems to have had some maturing occur in the past few months, and is quite a nice guy with a good sense of humor. And he would pretty much stay in his room, and not talk..That I can deal with.
BUT I remember being 14 and I was perpetually angry at everyone! I hated everyone and my life was a miserable disaster. (Actually, I had a great upbringing and no problems, really. It seriously was just the hormones.) My poor parents! They had done nothing to deserve the viper that I had become. I outgrew it, thank God!
Basically I just rotated things I knew she really cared about.
This is really the best thing to do for disrespect. My DD knows that if I give her a warning that she is being disrespectful then she better stop. Otherwise her meals are on her own (her big thing is she wants me to make her meals -- disrespect = buying school lunch and scrounging for dinner from crap in the fridge and freezer).
Not much can be done for the "I hate my life, everybody sucks, I'm gonna eat some worms" phase. I just agree with her in a sympathetic manner. I don't try to fix, I just let her know she has been heard.
16 is called "Hell".
I have to say that I have lucked out in the teen daughter department. She's a really good girl. She loves me and isn't afraid to show it. She does, however, mock me mercilessly. Then again, it is kind of our love language.
The jury is out on the 14 year old son right now.
14 is a god-awful age, imo.
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect
Lord give me pateince and strength to get through this....
Divorced and remarried to XBH