SurvivingInfidelity.com -

SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

My H and I went to church yesterday morning. It started great. Kids in the nursery, hugs and handshakes from some cherished people, both of us singing with our amazing praise team. Then, the sermon. I lost count of the number of times the preacher mentioned the word prostitute or fornication. I almost lost it when he talked about how darkly sexual immorality marks our very soul. Then, on to Sunday school. Conversations with long-time friends. Good food and coffee. And, a lesson about temptation. My teacher actually said 'an adulteress promises pleasure for what? 15 minutes? But at what cost?' I disappeared into my chair.
Fast-forward to after lunch. We are at the mall. My H is getting a haircut and I'm pushing our boys around in a stroller in center court. I see some plus-size mannequins in a store window and that does it (OW2 lives in town and is plus size. Seeing any female with her body shape/size, including myself, sometimes makes me anxious). But this wasn't the simple paranoia of running into her that I normally feel. Oh no. I was literally paralyzed with fear. The room went blurry. I was instantly nauseous and panicky. I had to force myself to breathe normally and start walking away from center court and back to the salon. I have NEVER reacted that badly to a trigger. Especially not in public and to something as inconsequential as a mannequin.
Later, I realized that I was pushing our older son in a stroller while my H got his hair cut in that salon and OW5 sat in a hotel room a couple states away waiting for him to come back (he'd been sent home unexpectedly to do a job in between his out of state jobs). Maybe it was just everything all at once, but I'm still a little shook up over my reaction today.

My H and I went to church yesterday morning. It started great. Kids in the nursery, hugs and handshakes from some cherished people, both of us singing with our amazing praise team. Then, the sermon. I lost count of the number of times the preacher mentioned the word prostitute or fornication. I almost lost it when he talked about how darkly sexual immorality marks our very soul. Then, on to Sunday school. Conversations with long-time friends. Good food and coffee. And, a lesson about temptation. My teacher actually said 'an adulteress promises pleasure for what? 15 minutes?  But at what cost?'  I disappeared into my chair. 
Fast-forward to after lunch. We are at the mall. My H is getting a haircut and I'm pushing our boys around in a stroller in center court. I see some plus-size mannequins in a store window and that does it (OW2 lives in town and is plus size. Seeing any female with her body shape/size, including myself, sometimes makes me anxious). But this wasn't the simple paranoia of running into her that I normally feel. Oh no. I was literally paralyzed with fear. The room went blurry. I was instantly nauseous and panicky. I had to force myself to breathe normally and start walking away from center court and back to the salon. I have NEVER reacted that badly to a trigger. Especially not in public and to something as inconsequential as a mannequin. 
Later, I realized that I was pushing our older son in a stroller while my H got his hair cut in that salon and OW5 sat in a hotel room a couple states away waiting for him to come back (he'd been sent home unexpectedly to do a job in between his out of state jobs). Maybe it was just everything all at once, but I'm still a little shook up over my reaction today.