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Mack9512 posted 9/9/2013 13:56 PM

Ugh...between the 9/11 anniversary (discussed "Off Topic") deluge and my fWH's birthday I can't seem to get the tears to stop. Last year fWH went to see his MOW first before coming home to celebrate his bday with our DD. He got home so late that DD fell asleep and was really upset about not spending any time with him. It was the one day that she thought they would be spending time together because all other days he was "working late" .

I also expect that if the MOW will break NC it will be today. We've had no contact for over 3 months now so I guess I just expect the worst.

Now on top of this DD is triggering really bad. Just like me, she equates the beginning of the school year as the time of year that "daddy went cra cra and hurt momma". It is so hard to comfort her when I am hurting as well.

Sorry just feeling sorry for myself.

jo2love posted 9/9/2013 16:16 PM

(((Mack & DD)))

I'm sorry you and DD are triggering. Can your fWH do anything to help you through this? Also, is he able to spend extra time with your DD? Maybe he can make her a card and tuck it in her lunchbox. Just a little sign from him that he loves her and is there for her.

Ashland13 posted 9/9/2013 18:10 PM

We have that going on, too. Nearly Exh only comes a few days out of a whole month to see DD and is still making a lot of changes to things left with her and she doesn't understand it. And he has thrown boundaries to the wind and routine doesn't matter to him so he doesn't seem to remember that it still matters to a young child to have routine to cling to.

She told me recently some things that hurt my heart for her...she told me that she sleeps in front of the door when he takes her to visit so that he can't bolt without her knowing. I cried for several days and find that sometimes her pain is harder to witness than mine. is a massive undertaking to attempt to comfort another person when we are in agony. I can relate.

On the matter of triggers, I actually wrote a little blurb about it in the divorce/sep area because I've been studying it lately as a coping mechanism and because I've been missing more of life than I want to anymore.

Part of my theme is to work really hard on my own thinking and to work on catching my thoughts when they wander. I understand that you are in the reconciling area so that's different dimensions, but I will try to say that we can control the triggers by controlling our thoughts.

One way I learned to do this is to make my thoughts about what I can control, what's within the walls of my house, car or life and push my thoughts back to those areas.

Those are difficult topics that you mention, Mack, but can be turned around in some ways and I hope you will get to a time to be able to do so. It's empowering.

One thing I tell myself when the tears won't go away is, "I'm ok." I look around at my surroundings and take mental notes...and continually remind myself "I'm okay." And I breath and I count at the same time.

I wish you peace.

bionicgal posted 9/9/2013 18:28 PM

Ashland, I need that today. Thanks.

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