Hi all,
I've been away from the board for awhile because I was doing okay, or at least I thought I was. But the last week or so has been really, really hard. I can't believe it's tied to something as stupid and toxic as Facebook, but it is.
Ever since Facebook was invented, XWH's page was private. Unless friended to him, you couldn't see anything but his name, cover photo etc. Now, about two weeks ago, he takes the entire page public. He's posting photos of him, OW, OW's kids, and his two youngest boys all camping. (his boys must have LOVED that... I was never invited, it was their male only outing every summer. I guess that's all changed now with OW in the picture).
He's posting photos of himself with OW, and other members of her family. He's doing check-ins at the hair salon and commenting "It's not so bad hanging out at the salon when you have such a beautiful woman to wait for."
I blocked him on Facebook, long ago. All this info has come to me through a few friends and family members of mine. They view his page, get angry, vent to me... etc. I don't want to hear about it, and I've asked these individuals not to do this anymore. But the damage has been done, I guess.
I'm so hurt by this. Who knows if his decision to make the page public had anything to do with me, but I can't help taking it personally. It feels like a giant fuck you. Like, "see how much better my life is now that you're not in it?" and "see how much prettier my new woman is than you?" He never posted compliments or things like that about me on his page, even when things were good.
I need some perspective on this. It seems so petty and dumb, but its really hurting and upsetting me. I don't understand why I'm allowing myself to be so affected by this, and that's frustrating.
I hate how I can be going along, thinking I'm doing okay, and then some stupid shit like this comes up and reminds me that I'm not even in the same fucking zip code as "okay."
D-day is five months ago tomorrow. I hate using the term "depressed", but I think I am. Every day lately I wake up and just lay in bed, thinking "Is this really my life? This fucked up, miserable, empty LONELY existence... this void with nothing in it but me. THIS is my life?!" I have no clue how things got to this point or how I got set back so far, but I'm really struggling right now.
Thanks for listening.