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Baby? Two years in to R

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introspect posted 9/9/2013 15:54 PM

Hi All,

FWH are more than two years into R. It has been a roller coaster, but I can honestly say we are in a really good place now. We still go to IC and still work on things we learned in MC,but I feel so much more confident in our relationship (actually more so than I ever did before DDay). Still, I ttrigger occasionally and we still have some issues to work on.

We've decided we're ready to try to start a family, and I can't help but worry about the unknown. Wondering about others experiences here -- if you had a baby some decent amount of time into R, did it cause any setbacks for you as a couple? Dredge up any of the old issues? How did you deal with it?

Appreciate any advice you have to give.

Jrazz posted 9/9/2013 16:57 PM

I don't have any experience with this. Crazz and I talk about having baby #2 but we still have a lot of issues within the M to work out.

Just giving your thread a little (baby) bump.

introspect posted 9/9/2013 16:57 PM

Thanks Jrazz

Daisy312 posted 9/9/2013 17:28 PM

My situation is a lil different because I was pregnant with baby number 2 when FWH had his A. I think having a baby puts a ton of stress on a marriage an although I do not think my child is the reason for his affair I think it contributed to his feelings of loneliness, and depression. Since the A I have read that a lot of men feel this way after having children. So with that being said, I think that if you feel you are in a good place and he has really dug deep into his issues, and you continue mc than you might be just fine. Just please don't think it will bring you closer. Although kids are amazing, they are also very stressful.

introspect posted 9/9/2013 20:55 PM

Thanks Daisy312. That all makes sense and I guess articulates some of my fears -- that some of those feelings might come back. But, I do think we can talk about those sort of feelings now. Still I know it's a big step and your right that continued MC should be a part of it.

Please1983 posted 9/10/2013 07:36 AM

Our new baby is only one week old today so maybe I'm not qualified to answer yet.
So far the pregnancy and new baby have caused no problems at all. It's been a joy and I'm so glad I didn't let my worries about what if this and what if that stop me from doing what we both wanted when we wanted.
What we have been thru to get here just makes it all the more special to us.
Good luck.

tushnurse posted 9/10/2013 09:07 AM

Although we weren't in A territory yet when we had our kids, I can say that each baby and pregnancy brings on new feelings, and changes.

When I got pregnant with DS, it was planned, and happened immediately. It made us much closer, and stronger, he was totally into being a dad, went to all the dr visits with me, and was right there at delivery, and proud pappa. He didn't get however how I could love that new baby more than him right off the bat, but he eventually got it.

We had a lot of stress after he was born, and I went back to work, he worked regular day hours, and I did evenings. DS was a HORRIBLE AWFUL COLIKY baby, and H had him every evening all on his own, after working all day, and it was a lot for him. I was exhausted, because I got home from work at 11:30-12 and did the night duty, up every two hours for feedings, and so forth, it was tough. We pulled away a bit. But came right back together when life threw a road block up, we had to move away from family, back to relying on only each other. Those two years we lived away were good for us.
The second child brought it's own challenges, and changes, moving back home, a sick baby, new jobs, building a house....But we did ok.

I guess what I am trying to say is each baby changes things, and puts stressors on you, and your relationship, but if it's soemthing you want, and you make time to talk, and be with each other it can strengthen a relationship.

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