One of the most important things I have learned this year has to do with a persons strength.
I am stronger then I ever thought I could be....and that is comforting but not as surprising as my next sentence.
I am intrigued and surprised by the strength of my wife. While we are not at the level either of us would like to be, I am impressed with her new found ability to look within herself and face some issues there...deep inside her.
My point? While it is kind of you to be concerned about your husbands health, don't sell him short. I am going out on a limb here, but I bet he is stronger then you think he is.
I enjoy the fact that he is going into a similar situation that spawned adultery with a new set of tools and a new focus.
He knows better, so he is doing better.
Having said that...I would also recommend you keep your expectations of him low. If he DOES get tired and falls short of this goal...don't let it rattle you too bad. I think you have witnessed first hand that rarely do any of us get something new right the first time.
Being vulnerable is a GOOD thing.
My wifes affair happened while she thought she was invincible....or at least thought she was in complete and total control.
My own thought pre-A was that she was immune to committing adultery...I would have encouraged her to find a running partner pre-A...male or female.
The DANCE of this is to NOT hurt each other in their vulnerable spots. If either of us do that, intimacy is reduced.
I was vulnerable to my wifes actions regarding her affair. I was NOT guarded around her and I was completely exposed to her...and she choose to use my vulnerability against me. Albeit not fully intentional at first...but it still hurts like a B*^&%!
My goal is to once again show my vulnerable side to my wife....but in a healthy, new way...I do not wish to be guarded around her, and I do not wish her to be guarded around me. To do this we must find new ways to interact that provide the safety and respect needed to create and nurture a true deep intimacy.
We have never accomplished that...so this is new.
I don't have the tools to do that now...not all the tools anyway, but I have a basic set to start the remodel project!
You guys continue to impress me with the speed in which you both are moving down your path!
Gods speed!
[This message edited by blakesteele at 8:32 PM, September 9th (Monday)]