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New book....the 5 Love Languages

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TxsT posted 9/9/2013 19:28 PM

Everyone....going to start a new path with reading and venture into a more positive direction. Picked up the book the 5 Love Languages so that H and I can understand how we communicate love. Broaden our understanding of what makes the other feel special and loved and appreciated. Not a super big book and maybe everyone needs a little lighter read on a positive direction.


SisterMilkshake posted 9/9/2013 19:32 PM

Good book, has been recommended here often.

Lucky posted 9/9/2013 19:37 PM

GREAT book! Mr Lucky and I were exactly the same. Ironically our son-in-law recommended it.

SecondHelping posted 9/9/2013 19:46 PM

This is a great book. I read it and am still waiting on fWW to read it...5 months would be better if you both read it and share results with each other.

[This message edited by SecondHelping at 7:46 PM, September 9th (Monday)]

musiclovingmom posted 9/9/2013 19:46 PM

I read this book in college. Long before I ever got married. It is fabulous! There is also an online quiz you can take to help determine your love language. My H and I did it a while back. Our love languages were posted on the fridge for awhile. Maybe it is time to revisit that.

blakesteele posted 9/9/2013 20:00 PM

great book.....don't forget to take the free online quiz that quickly and accurately lets you know what your love language can be different then you think.

Self discovery is one of the more exciting parts of this journey.

God be with us all.

TxsT posted 9/9/2013 20:31 PM

I am so excited that so many of my trusted post friends also recommend this book. I will start reading it tonight.

My hubby was really happy that the new book is so positive driven and should be helpful in our quest to improve and thrive.

Thanks for your in sights everyone!


StillStanding1 posted 9/9/2013 21:51 PM

Hi there T,

That is one of the very first books our MC recommended -- at our very first sessions! We both had huge AHA moments when we read it. It's very simple to get the concept. Once we "got it", I felt so stupid that I had been married for almost 20 years and never really figured this out. Good Lord.

My biggest problem is this: I can easily speak all the love languages to my H, except the one that is his primary language, Words of Affirmation. In the past, the reason I believe is that I was raised by immigrants (Dad-German, Mom- Swiss)and I was not raised in a culture of much praise. Certain things were expected and certain things were just understood.

My problem in my current situation is that I feel like his ego was one of the main drivers of his A... and I can get resentful of needing to stroke his ego now to make him feel loved. God knows, I am truly trying, but it is very hard for me. Much easier to stroke his arm, hug, touch, provide acts of service, bring home a little thoughtful gift, or spend quality time together. But tell him how wonderful he is -- sometimes I want to choke on that! So I am always looking for positive affirmations that I CAN stomach at this point of time. Some moments are easier than others. I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else...

However, I will say that, while simple, these Love Languages are right on the mark. I also bought "Love Languages for Teenagers" -- hoping to make some break-throughs on that front too, if I can!!!!

Hugs to you!

bionicgal posted 9/9/2013 21:58 PM

SS1 - I hear you about the affirmations thing! I have felt that, but hadn't put it into words.

I made the mistake of getting the audio book, and didn't care for the author's tone. But, the material is great. We had our son (9) do it as well, and it was interesting to see what he needs too!

TxsT posted 9/9/2013 22:02 PM

Hey Still!!!!! Thanks for adding that great in sight. I am looking forward to the book. It is nice to look at something positive for a change.

Booked dinner reservations for tomorrow night ( our actual anniversary ) since dinner in the mountains was so rudely interrupted by huge pains from my surgery. Was in bed by 8 just as my caribou was being served. I felt horrible. Also bought no less then 4 anniversary cards......just couldn't decide. Some where just not appropriate at all!!!!M


naivewife posted 9/9/2013 22:10 PM

Ugh, bought this book two weeks ago and can't get WH to read it! I bought it because he said the affair books were too painful, hit too close to home so I thought this would be perfect. Nope, for whatever reason, he can't quite bring himself to read this one either, but he's read two other non A/non relationship books in the meantime.
Is there any reason why he can't just do the quiz without reading the book? I'm thinking maybe if I just said "this is my love language, read that chapter" and he could tell me his, then it would be something at least. I do fear his is also words of affirmation though, and like someone above, I too was raised in a non-praise (dutch)household and now, after his ego stroke fest,I find it especially hard to say much more than "That shirt looks nice!" or whatever!

Aubrie posted 9/9/2013 22:17 PM

Read it about a year and a half ago. Major light bulb moment for me.

Ironically, it helped in communicating with my kids too.

Also checked out the 5 apologies. Had some interesting findings there as well.

Happy reading.

StillStanding1 posted 9/10/2013 00:21 AM

I decided we really "need" a poll on this.... Just put it up in General. Please go chime in on your LL vs your spouse's LL! I wonder if there any pattern!!!!!

T, sorry that post-op pain interrupted your anniversary weekend!!!!!

Patchy posted 9/10/2013 00:38 AM

Excellent book. Every couple should read it. I had learned about the love languages, and a lightbulb definitely went off for me when I realized touch was not just something he wanted, but something he needed to feel loved. And yet I still had issue with it no matter how I tried.

A year or two later, after the shocking reality that he had basically given up on our marriage, I bought the book and devoured it and worked hard to implement what I learned. However it was too late. Not go my marriage, but he had already started seeing her before I got that shocking revelation and I found out shortly after reading the book.


At any rate ... I'm so glad to know you are reading it. Hopefully he will too. It may just change your marriage drastically.

TxsT posted 9/10/2013 04:11 AM's ok, I figured it was worth it. That's the only pain I experienced this past weekend which is a whole lot better then what I was feeling this time last year. To be on the eve of our 1 year Dday and know that I was ready to leave, even without knowing about the A, shows me just how incredibly far we have come in this first year. The card I gave him last year at this time says it love was strong enough to survive the rain.....oh my god did I have no idea a flood was so eminent back then!!!!!! Hubby's card to me last year proved just how disconnected he was.....the card said Happy Birthday, not Happy Anniversary....I AM NOT JOKING! He discovered that 2 weeks after Dday. He couldn't believe he was so blind and stupid. It just goes to show you how disconnected we had both become from our world.

So, a little abdominal pain, really justified abdominal pain is a relief this year.


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