I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.
I made a list, but not everyone does.
I made a list and wrote it down, that way I knew he knew my conditions, and I had something formally written instead of just in my head. It was easier to measure and easier to stand firm.
I asked that he:
-Not watch porn anymore
-No more CL
-Show me every single contact in his phone, and prove that the person was who he said they were (no male names that were secretly females). He did this by calling some of the contacts and letting me listen, and by texting people (he used the excuse that he got a new phone and had this number but it wasn't labelled...who is this? Then the person replied with their name and I had confirmation of who it was).
-He had to give me all of his e-mail passwords
-He had to give me his phone password and let me look through it whenever I asked
-I explained to him that clearing search history was a no-no. I told him that if I went through the ipad or his phone and the history was cleared, I would assume he did something wrong. He did try to clear histories in the beginning- I 180ed him every time he did so.
-I wanted him to get a full STI test and show me the results. We used condoms for 6 months until his HIV test results and mine came back clean. He didn't meet any of the women, but never could prove that to me. I'm positive he was telling thr truth, but you can never be too careful.
-No flirting with other women
-If he needed to call or talk to another woman outside of his family, he needed to tell me first (we eventually got over this one, but it took a few months before I was really comfortable with him around any women other than strictly professionally)
-No going to bars without me
-Let me know immediately if any of his OW's try to contact him via e-mail or text, and show me the communication right away so we can decide together what to do (this happened a few times that the girls e-mailed him asking what was up. he did show me right away and just deleted them).
There is NO WAY IN HELL I would be comfortable with my H chit-chatting with someone who he flirted with in the past, especially with the timing being as soon as I left the house and at midnight. Nope, not okay with me.
"What did you expect? I am a scorpion."