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Newest Member: js01 (45726)

User Topic: Doesn't make sense...
trying2bthebest
♀ 36964
Member # 36964
Question  Posted: 8:42 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband lied for years without my knowledge (no suspicion). My first D-day was July 2012. He lied for nine months until April 2013 about there being other women besides the one I found out about.

There is a non-blood (but known his whole life -step dad's niece) "cousin" that text him, "I miss you" and smiley faces at 1 and 2am facebook messages saying how are you, i miss you, etc. He swears on his life that it is innocent and he is affended that I would think something about his cousin. I logged onto his facebook and sent her a smiley face pretending to be my husband. She sent a smiley back and we began to talk. I asked what she thought about me (as my husband) and she eluded that I was special, but stated I'm married. I asked if I (my husband) had ever given her an idea that I would be interested. She said no. She went on to say she sensed something about our marriage and my wife (me). I asked what. She said a lot of really harsh things about me thining I was my husband. Pretending to be him still, I asked, "have you ever had a converstaion with my wife or a conversation with me about my wife." She replies, "no, but you cheated on her right... I know you are unhappy, it's not your fault, i know it's her, etc." FYI: my husband is best friends with her brother. I told her that I was offended by her statements and disd not appreciate her judgemental attitude. She became very defensive and asked why I was attacking her when i'm the one who asked her to open up. she then said that she was going to tell her brother that I came on to her and insulted her by beleiving she was interested. I forwarded the conversation to my husband's email. By this time, she had called her brother. He called my husband. She must have gotten from her brother that i was pretending to be my husband, so she sent me a really nasty fb message.

My husband says he never talked to her about us or me, which she confirmed while I was pretending to be him. She also confirmed that he had never came on to her. However, I beleive she wanted him and it's bothering me that him and his brother say she was just playing and trying to see where the conversation was going. WHY would she entertain that? Why was she so negative towards me and had so much to say about me? Why would she think it is appropriate to fb him at 1 and 2am and text message him smiley faces and "i miss yous." Am I overreacting/crazy or is there something there?


Posts: 3 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Michigan
hardtimesinlife
♀ 10468
Member # 10468
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You aren't overreacting at all. The behaviors are inappropriate. I think your H should stay the hell away from this wannabe OW. It is good that you confirmed that your H hasn't had an affair with her, isn't it? Now he needs to stand behind you, stick up for you and stay away from her and her fishing (trying to see if a married man is interested and will bite).


Ddays 2004 & 2007
I cut my losses mid 2013
Feeling happier every day :)

Posts: 6154 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Florida
Holly-Isis
♀ 13447
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She replies, "no, but you cheated on her right... I know you are unhappy, it's not your fault, i know it's her, etc."

Well, she got that idea from somewhere. My guess is from your WH to her brother to her.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11275 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
silverhopes
♀ 32753
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 1:28 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

However, I beleive she wanted him and it's bothering me that him and his brother say she was just playing and trying to see where the conversation was going.

Your husband thought that too? Hmm, way to put his head in the sand. "Just playing" shouldn't involve such loose boundaries on her part.

WHY would she entertain that? Why was she so negative towards me and had so much to say about me?

An affair frame of mind. Disparage the wife, see if the husband also disparages her, and then warm him up to an affair. If she thinks he's "special" then she'll try to convince herself that the marriage is "in the way" of having a chance with him, instead of accepting that he's off-limits. She was testing "his" boundaries to see if they were similarly shaky.

Why would she think it is appropriate to fb him at 1 and 2am and text message him smiley faces and "i miss yous."

Well, it isn't appropriate. But if she's in the mindframe of disregarding your marriage, then it doesn't seem like she distinguishes what is or isn't appropriate.

It bothers me that they're just willing to brush it off as her playing around. It was fairly obvious she wasn't when she threatened to call her brother and lie to him that "your husband" had been hitting on her, when the truth was the other way around. If she was just playing, then why such an extreme reaction (answer: she's guilty of being serious about hitting on him)? And why is your husband going along with it? Does he not want to "rock the boat"?

[This message edited by silverhopes at 1:31 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)]


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3921 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 4

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