I cannot bite it off yet. Will anything he does ever be good enough?
[This message edited by rachelc at 8:44 PM, September 9th (Monday)]
me (WW/BS): 48
4 kiddos in mid 20's
“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”
Your H sounds like he is doing a good job at trying to make you feel safe. Is there anything else today that he could have done that would have made you feel any different? Happier? Safer????
Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!
Just wanted to share with you a recent event that is a bit similar to yours. Even though things are going well in the T household that doesn't mean that I don't worry about trusting and encounters and such. We were at a huge week long golf tournament 2 weeks ago where not only is there golf all day but activities, dinner and dancing all night. It is a cesspool of high achieving people many who are on a 2 nd to 4th marriage. I had many duties in each day during the week and I found myself exhausted many of the evenings. One night in particular I was falling asleep at the table and hubby was enjoying myself. This was the very FIRST time I was able to leave him behind and retire alone to our room. I felt sick to my stomach, panicked a bit on my walk back to the room and found myself staying wide awake until H came home. To my surprise he had spent the time having a drink with a business contact, having a characters drawn of himself and then right home to our room. He surprised me and I thought right then I need to start trusting him more. If I don't let go at some point of my fear how can he ever earn the trust back!
Even when things are going well I still find that special little panic when he goes out on his own. Now yes I have the freedoms to know his OW is 4000 miles away but that's not stopping someone else from approaching him.
S in the end I have decided that I can't control everything and that we have had to start trusting that H has learned his lesson. I think he has but it will still take a really long time to get comfortable again.
At some point you will have to make a choice if this was a deal breaker for you or not.
[This message edited by rachelc at 6:21 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)]
People here are way more accepting of their spouses actions than me.
Not just people, but your H as well.
I guess I have chosen to unwrap that box in all its glory and allow the world to see the dirty rotten core, a core we BOTH had a hand in creating....a core that is now new, small and brimming with hope.
I don't have the faintest clue if this was helpful....sorry.
yep, we're different people. stands to reason.