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Me SO just had the Sex talk

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idkam posted 9/9/2013 22:40 PM

Our sex life have become very vanilla since we moved in together... But if im honest with myself it has always been this way.. The differce now is i'm tired of being the agrressor... Before we moved in together we only hang out on the weekends because i was in school.. We would go out to eat/ drink and then go home and get wild.. He liked that bc i didnt hold back i would be crative and he was right there to reap the benefits... Our sex positions is usually me on top or we do the 69 position... 95% of the time it is me on my side and he is on
his side...

I feel so disconnected and i mentioned this to him tonight and he immediately turned the attention to me...he said on sunday he tried to bite me on my boobs when i asked him to smell under my arms and i pushed him away... He said he was
trying to be sexual with me.. I said really? I didnt know what you were doing. But if you want to have sex or be close to me you may want to be a bit more aggressive. or you can simply say "babe lets f$&@" or i want to be close to you... I asked him if he feel a disconnect when we have sex and said some times.. I said to him i want him to get on top sometimes.. I want to feel close to him and this position makes me feel close...i told him i want him to be more aggresive... He told me he turn off the TV in the LR and came into the bedroom where i was watching TV and laid on my butt.. To him i should have known he wanted to be sexual.. I told him no i didnt know thats what he wanted.. if thats what he wanted he should have said something... Then he says sometimes you have to turn off the TV like he did... I said to him im sorry i am not going to start trying to read ur mind.. I prefer that you let me know when you want to have sex...otherwise it will be like it has been, wher i ask if he want to have sex tonight or when i see him playing with himself then i know he is horny..
The conversation was very weird but
it was a much needed conversation...

What say you?
Edited for errors...

idkam posted 9/9/2013 22:45 PM

Oh i didnt ask the question??

Have any of you experienced this or are experiencing this too...

My SO is very conservative and ige cannot be aggresive in any way... But this is what i need from him...

silverhopes posted 9/10/2013 01:49 AM

I might be wrong, but it sounds like it was a good conversation for you two to have. You both told each other the ways you prefer to express interest: he prefers to send you subtle signs like turning off the TV or initiating a kind of touch, and you prefer him to be direct and tell you what he wants.

You two can watch out for each other to meet halfway. When he says something out loud or tries something more aggressive, acknowledge it and tell him what you like. And if you pick up on signs and think he's signaling he wants sex, respond to them sometimes and see what happens. This could wind up being the start of some exciting things since you two are talking about it.

Have any of you experienced this or are experiencing this too...

Physical intimacy is still emotionally complicated for us, but yes, we've experienced this too. Especially the part about the one position, or mixed or missed signals, or me wishing H were more vocal about some things or liking him aggressive. It's been a gradual change. When he does something I really like, I tell him. Now he does those things more. Lots of positive compliments. And I try to spice things up for him sometimes, dressing certain ways or teasing him physically. That usually gets him to initiate more aggressively, if I build it up all day with flirty touches but don't initiate myself. Still working on it, still working through some complications (there's a good thread in ICR for sex issues).

We would go out to eat/ drink and then go home and get wild.. He liked that bc i didnt hold back i would be crative and he was right there to reap the benefits...

Any way to keep enjoying some of those "creative" nights? Maybe date nights?

stronger08 posted 9/10/2013 03:36 AM

Perhaps your SO is not that experienced in sexual pleasure. Or he may be afraid to open up to you because you might think of him as some freak. I personally have found that its best to be open about these things beforehand. But dropping hints about what you like or desire is always a good thing. I have also found that its better to drop those hints casually. What I mean is that too many people save the sex talk for the bedroom. IMHO sex should be mentioned in casual conversation. You don't have to be overt about it. Just plant a seed from time to time. And I think its sexy as hell when a woman does that. Its said that the brain is the most erotic sex organ. And I happen to subscribe to that theory.

tushnurse posted 9/10/2013 07:47 AM

Yes this can be a problem, one I have been accused of, not letting him know I want it in a blatant enough manner.

I have found that I do much better with letting him know, or initiating things, by sending a sexy text or two throughout the day. To me it just sound so hokey coming out of my mouth, to say Let's get it on, or I want you. Not sure why, but it does. But I can do the sending a text thing, and this seems to work well.

idkam posted 9/10/2013 09:43 AM

Thank you my friends.. Good points Silver i will take some of what you said into consideration...

Stronger you are correct he isnt that experienced... Although he knows how to please KWIM?

So early this morning he rubs on my butt while i'm asleep...i do not move bc i was asleep and wasnt sure if this was just a rub or "something else" so i wait to see if he would do anything else... He did Nothing but laid there tossing and turning... He never touched me again... Then i got up after abt 20 min to use the bathroom and when i got into bed he rubs my butt and asks if i wanted to do a quickie and i say sure....

Before he left for work he gives me a hug and said he thought abt our talk last night and we can talk about later and i say ok....

What i would have liked for him to do to me while i was asleep. Is to wake me up.. He could have spooned me while kissing me on my shoulder and rubbing my back and putting his 'hard
cock' against my butt and playing with my vagina.. Lol!! This would have awaken me for sure.... But this isnt my SO at all but i plan to tell him tonight because he would never think about it....his thing is if i come to bed without underware i must want sex..

idkam posted 9/10/2013 09:51 AM

Tush i love when he sends me a text and says I'm horny and want to F:;?k.... That turns me on and sometimes i would send him a text like that as well...

Sad to say i enjoy morng sex bc im so energized throughout the day.... He is a sex at night type of guy bc he like to go to sleep right afterwards bc he is so relaxed.... We usually do it on saturday morning sometimes Fri night when he wants to do a 69... I cant do a blow job in the morng, gag reflex big time Yuke..

tushnurse posted 9/10/2013 16:07 PM

LOL Sometimes I just send him a provacative pic or two, and that gets the message across, sometimes, I am very graphic in what I ask for. Either way he finds it incredibly sexy.

inhishands55 posted 9/10/2013 22:22 PM

My SO loves for me to send him graphic texts during the day..Sometimes he sends me some and I know my face turns red, when I with a friend and read them..

But it is a good thing to do..It especially gets him going before he even gets to the house...That way he knows I want him and we neither one hold back...

EvenKeel posted 9/11/2013 11:09 AM

The good thing is you are both trying to talk about it. You just need to find a way to get on the same page of clues and what you need. Sounds like you are on your way to getting there.

I remember reading in Dear Abby about this one (G rated version ). The guy was always unable to convey when he wanted to have $ex so they had this statue on the fireplace mantle, when he was interested, he would turn the figurine around. It made me laugh to think her husband was that shy but it worked for them.

idkam posted 9/11/2013 14:51 PM

I can relate to the graphic texts... the sad thing for me is i get all worked up at wirk and by the time i get home, get online, and eat dinner i'm too dang tired to anything... he's a night sex person so he is riled up... Sometmes i go ahead and give it up and other times i ask for a rain check...i'm glad to be out of school now and even more happy that he is making an effort in the morning, during the week day...

We talked last night and explained to him in VIVID details how he could have awaken me... Then i rubbed on him and he was ~ripe for the
pickens~... I knew that would turn him on.... The funny thing is i asked him how would he have awaken me (since he kept saying he knew how to wake me up) he said by smacking me on the arse. i said ummm!! Nooo that would probly scare the hell out of me since i was dead asleep..,

I see we have a ways to go my friends....

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