I am spending time with someone in the same boat as me and he has 3 kids to take care of since the wife left them and moved half away across the country.
We both just like getting out of the house and he says I am easy to talk to. Although I have teared up every time we have met when we get talking about my ex. He has been great about it and is farther long in the separation process than me.
The conventional SI wisdom, that has proved rather reliable time and again, is that you are better off focusing your energy on working on yourself right now.
People who date too early often end up focusing on the "new" and avoid fully dealing with the pain and healing needed due to the ending of your marriage. And, from my experience, the only way to get through the hard stuff is to go through it and not avoid the emotions. Basically, you have to go through it to get through it. There is no shortcut.
Some would disagree about the dating, but whatever you decide, tread carefully, and remember that your largest priority right now should be you and your children's best interest.
Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.
Examining the reasons for your wanting to date is very hard, because we tend to overlook our worst traits
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
To oversimplify it, I think if you're dating because you're lonely (or worse yet, misery loves company), you're dating for the wrong reason. If you're dating because you enjoy the company of others, it's probably not a bad idea
Conventional wisdom is almost always right. In my own case, conventional wisdom said my relationship with my SO was doomed from the get go - yet here we are, thriving and loving and cohabiting very sucessfully, will probably end up happily married.....
But why, why, do those WS get to jump right from the old relationship to the new?
Because they don't care. They are dysfunctional people who find other dysfunctional people and once that ends, they'll repeat the same pattern.
For a lot of BS's it's the same issue. Many are so afraid of being alone, that they just jump into the next available "relationship" without dealing with their own issues. Once it fails, they typically step back and realize there is work to be done and they change their focus to that.
Saleschick, don't rush into dating. That's the last thing you want to do especially with children involved.
If you want them to quit stabbing you in the back, then you need to quit handing them the knife.
Recovering from the devastation takes a village! Seriously! REally broaden your support. Relying on a guy, however nice he is, may or may not work out. Don't put yourself in a vulnerable position where the guy thing doesn't work and you haven't built up a broad support network and you get re-devestated.
Keep developing your own friends and interests.
Although I have teared up every time we have met when we get talking about my ex.
I'm afraid dating "rejections" would hinder your healing process; tears are a sign that more healing and grieving needs to be processed.