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Loss of a Friend

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Camalus posted 9/10/2013 07:34 AM

It dawned on me in IC yesterday one of the things that is hitting me hardest is I have lost my best friend.

Since 1978 my WW has been my best friend. The one person I felt I could discuss anything and everything with. The person I knew I could express my fears, my triumphs, my silly day-dreams, and my nightmare scenarios’. The sole person that I felt safe ‘crying on her shoulder’ when I had a bad day. The only person who would never pass judgment on me.

Since D-Day, that is gone. Now I look back at the time period of her A and wonder just how many of those things, those confidences, those raw visceral emotions I expressed to her were shared with POS mOM.

Damnit.

Merlin posted 9/10/2013 07:45 AM

After a long-term marriage, it is very hard to fill the void of broken trust and shattered dreams. Starting over at this age is even harder.

Yet, both are part of what we must do, for ourselves and those still in our lives.

Consider IC, to learn to cope if nothing more. And live a day at a time and work to be just a little better than you were yesterday.

Five years later, I struggle with what was lost and what now must be done. Life is still more bitter than sweet. Know that you are more than equal to the tasks. That makes all the difference.

Camalus posted 9/10/2013 09:07 AM

I just reread my posting. I don’t want to give anyone the wrong idea. I have every hope my WW and I can work through this.

I guess the post was more of a lament. I feel like I have lost my best friend and do not know if I will ever be able to look at, confide, and pour my soul out to her the way I could before D-Day.

SisterMilkshake posted 9/10/2013 09:47 AM

tirednconfused ~ I never considered my FWH my best friend before d-day. He has now become my best friend. There is hope, tired, that you will regain that. (((tirednconfused)))

TrustGone posted 9/10/2013 10:03 AM

I know exactly how you feel. I have also quit sharing everything with my WH#2 and have built a wall around myself. I hate that he shared my thoughts and feelings with the OW for 3yrs. At a little over 1yr from DDay#2, I am starting to bring down the wall a little at a time. It is so hard to share again with someone that totally betrayed you, but hopefully with time we will be able to do that again. (((HUGS)))

Razor posted 9/10/2013 10:15 AM

I think the loss of that friendship is the hardest thing to loose. Its the loss of innocence. The loss of our dreams.

Its hard to express. When we have found someone so special that we have allowed them into our soul. We have exposed our deepest self. Our deepest emotions hopes and fears. And the loss of that is very hard to deal with.

Its the realization that we are alone in this life. That the person we trusted above all others. Perhaps we even trusted this person more than we trust ourselves. That this person was lying all along. That this person aired our deepest secrets to an usurper and we became the fodder for jokes. That betrayal leaves us alone with no one to trust. Even ourself.

I realized that I was living an illusion. That what I thought was true was not so. And that I am alone. That I was alone when I thought I was not. And that I will likely allways be alone.

Its a hard thing to realize. Over time though I grew stronger and realized that my WW was only a part of my life. Not my entire life. As such I was able to move on. And I am good now and happy even with being alone.

daisychains posted 9/10/2013 12:03 PM

Yes my best friend. The sad thing for me is that fwh always told people that I wasn't just his wife - I was his best friend too. For me loosing that is one of the things that hurts the most, it left me feeling exposed not knowing what things I had shared with him that he could have repeated to her.

Funnily enough when I said to him one day that he found himself a new best friend he got really upset. Strange isn't it what gets to them.

Razor posted 9/10/2013 16:01 PM

Personally speaking I dont want friends like that.

Enemies are better.

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