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Newest Member: Giupeppe (46032)

User Topic: Loss of a Friend
Camalus
♂ 40199
Member # 40199
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It dawned on me in IC yesterday one of the things that is hitting me hardest is I have lost my best friend.

Since 1978 my WW has been my best friend. The one person I felt I could discuss anything and everything with. The person I knew I could express my fears, my triumphs, my silly day-dreams, and my nightmare scenarios’. The sole person that I felt safe ‘crying on her shoulder’ when I had a bad day. The only person who would never pass judgment on me.

Since D-Day, that is gone. Now I look back at the time period of her A and wonder just how many of those things, those confidences, those raw visceral emotions I expressed to her were shared with POS mOM.

Damnit.


Me–BS age 61
Her -- WS age 59
Married for 34 years
One child, 30yrs

Her 'A' 1994(?) through 1998
D-Day 7/4/2013 Yes, I didn't find out for almost 15 years... but the pain is just as bad as if she were with him last week.


Posts: 127 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Near Houston Texas
Merlin
♂ 30221
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After a long-term marriage, it is very hard to fill the void of broken trust and shattered dreams. Starting over at this age is even harder.

Yet, both are part of what we must do, for ourselves and those still in our lives.

Consider IC, to learn to cope if nothing more. And live a day at a time and work to be just a little better than you were yesterday.

Five years later, I struggle with what was lost and what now must be done. Life is still more bitter than sweet. Know that you are more than equal to the tasks. That makes all the difference.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
Camalus
♂ 40199
Member # 40199
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just reread my posting. I don’t want to give anyone the wrong idea. I have every hope my WW and I can work through this.

I guess the post was more of a lament. I feel like I have lost my best friend and do not know if I will ever be able to look at, confide, and pour my soul out to her the way I could before D-Day.


Me–BS age 61
Her -- WS age 59
Married for 34 years
One child, 30yrs

Her 'A' 1994(?) through 1998
D-Day 7/4/2013 Yes, I didn't find out for almost 15 years... but the pain is just as bad as if she were with him last week.


Posts: 127 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Near Houston Texas
SisterMilkshake
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tirednconfused ~ I never considered my FWH my best friend before d-day. He has now become my best friend. There is hope, tired, that you will regain that. (((tirednconfused)))


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 10085 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
TrustGone
♀ 36654
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know exactly how you feel. I have also quit sharing everything with my WH#2 and have built a wall around myself. I hate that he shared my thoughts and feelings with the OW for 3yrs. At a little over 1yr from DDay#2, I am starting to bring down the wall a little at a time. It is so hard to share again with someone that totally betrayed you, but hopefully with time we will be able to do that again. (((HUGS)))


BW-52
WH#2-53
M-10 yrs T-12 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
DD#4-11/28/14 He ran off to be with OW after assaulting me
Divorcing

Posts: 2488 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Razor
♂ 16345
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the loss of that friendship is the hardest thing to loose. Its the loss of innocence. The loss of our dreams.

Its hard to express. When we have found someone so special that we have allowed them into our soul. We have exposed our deepest self. Our deepest emotions hopes and fears. And the loss of that is very hard to deal with.

Its the realization that we are alone in this life. That the person we trusted above all others. Perhaps we even trusted this person more than we trust ourselves. That this person was lying all along. That this person aired our deepest secrets to an usurper and we became the fodder for jokes. That betrayal leaves us alone with no one to trust. Even ourself.

I realized that I was living an illusion. That what I thought was true was not so. And that I am alone. That I was alone when I thought I was not. And that I will likely allways be alone.

Its a hard thing to realize. Over time though I grew stronger and realized that my WW was only a part of my life. Not my entire life. As such I was able to move on. And I am good now and happy even with being alone.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Friedrich Nietzsche


Posts: 3483 | Registered: Sep 2007
daisychains
♀ 37997
Member # 37997
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes my best friend. The sad thing for me is that fwh always told people that I wasn't just his wife - I was his best friend too. For me loosing that is one of the things that hurts the most, it left me feeling exposed not knowing what things I had shared with him that he could have repeated to her.

Funnily enough when I said to him one day that he found himself a new best friend he got really upset. Strange isn't it what gets to them.


LTA 3.5 years

Posts: 84 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: uk
Razor
♂ 16345
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Personally speaking I dont want friends like that.

Enemies are better.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Friedrich Nietzsche


Posts: 3483 | Registered: Sep 2007
Topic Posts: 8

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