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NC remains in effect, now onto the next trigger

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Mack9512 posted 9/10/2013 08:37 AM

If you read my post in the R forum yesterday, http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=507449&HL=38619, I was afraid that the MOW would try to contact my fWH because of his birthday. I'm happy to report that she did not. I'm also happy to report that my DD and her daddy had a great night together. She beat him to the ground in Ladder Ball and CanJam.

Now...I have to prepare myself for tomorrow...I hate tomorrow. 9/11/2001. The thoughts, feelings, emotions, smells, and mind movies came fast and furious this time of year. (posted about this as well..http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=507232&HL=38619) There is no distraction available, even though my fWH is trying really hard, to make me forget what tomorrow symbolizes. I'm afraid that 9/11 and my fWH's A are becoming entwined, and I cannot disrespect my friends and co-workers that way. I know others on SI have had to deal with traumatic events, and the A, and I would love to know how you managed it.

Ugh....I honestly do know what I'm trying to say here. Just need to get it out.

Sorry for the rambling.
Mack

TrustGone posted 9/10/2013 10:14 AM

I so remember how I felt on 9/11/01. It will forever be ingrained in my mind. I guess I can see how you can entertwine the two. They both caused major stress and it scared the hell out of all of us. They were also something we had no control over. This is all part of PTDS. Maybe speak to your IC about how you can seperate the two tragic events. (((HUGS)))

Ashland13 posted 9/10/2013 11:38 AM

I remember this day too. I'm sorry for your difficulty -and everyone.

There is a young girl at DD's school who's birthday is 9/11 and DD said that she cries every year. They're very young kids but still full of empathy and learning about it all.

Anyway...your topic of triggers spoke to me because I've been working on them, too...I want more of my life back and the triggers are holding me down, so I've been searching for ways to cope.

One coping mechanism that I can share from a counselor takes time but is worth it. She told me to change my thinking when "trigger thoughts" enter my head and to start that is to be aware that it's happening. That the thoughts are happening.

For me, the triggers cause panic and that's something I'm learning to understand more of in order to fend it off.

She also said that being aware of surroundings and the present are helpful reminders that we are "ok". She would remind me to tell myself that I was ok and even things like the date and time or a trivial to do list help make the day more routine and can combat a trigger. Then there is the activity on the list and today to think about instead and later, at night, an accomplishment for the day that was today and not the past. It's not to discount the past, but to try to not make it so huge in our minds.

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