Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

Still can't get over it..!!???!!..

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

Lostly88 posted 9/10/2013 09:12 AM

I just can't seem to stop thinking about the A
It's starting to make me think different of him even more so that we are having unprotected sex not trying to have a baby but if were to happen we'd handle, I mean we've talked about making a family and moving froward together. I just can't help but to dread " what if I get pregnant and he cheats" (again) I would never be able to come back from that I can bearly do it now and I wasn't an inaccent party.
If I feel like this I wonder if he feel the same.
I've been doing really good since I join this site but I had to stop reading for awhile cause I was getting to emotionally involved with some of the post and carrying it with me. I've been on all sides the OW the BS and the cheater. I want NOTHING to do with all of those. But I know all sides as the OW you always lose because he just want a pice of ass(sorry but ture) hell never love you like u want(loser) As the cheater the at the time my head was up my ass its that stupid saying you don't what you till it's gone. But you have a mind to enjoy what's going on cause your selfish and disrespectful of the S feelings. But when it done guilt always comes always. And the worst is the BS that sux the most it world shattering. I can't explain but it's like losing the war of love by default do to to you being an worthy opponent. No matter how prepared you are.
But back to my point I'm feeling a strange way about us I have feelings but he shows no signs I go thru his phone and he know and says nothing our sex is good (last night was the first time I didn't want sex) he's more attentive. Idk what it is??????
But can someone give me words to help cause I love this man and we did each other wrong but I seem to not be able to let it go and I need to in order to move froward...... Or maybe it's too much and I just need to move on.

FightingBack posted 9/10/2013 12:34 PM


It appears that your dday(s) are only a few short months ago.

Mine was more than 20 months ago and I still think about the A. I'm sure this is normal and I understand it is not much fun.

On the positive side, you and your H are now being honest with each other and are trying to rebuild a new, real relationship together.

Understand that you will have to work through the pain and the fears as well as learning about each other again, for quite some time.

In my opinion, though, this is not the best time to consider bringing a child into your family. When a baby comes along, many things will change. Mostly, these changes can be wonderful and I hope that you will both have that joy when you feel sure of your relationship without fears or doubts.

Now is the time to concentrate on the two of you, while it is just the two of you. It can be a time that you will cherish and be glad that you had the time and opportunity before you move on to the next phase in your marriage, if it is meant to be.

I will respectfully suggest that you wait awhile longer before having unprotected sex.

I promise you, you will be glad you waited.

LosferWords posted 9/10/2013 12:36 PM

Hi Lostly88 - Gently, I was wondering if perhaps you might want to hold off on bringing a child into the equation until you and your husband have worked through more of your issues together? You really aren't that far out from d-day, and adding a child to the equation could possibly complicate things even more emotionally and stress-wise between the two of you.

I do believe that with the proper healing and actions, you can both get through this, and there is a good chance for reconciliation. Are you currently in counseling together? How is the communication between the two of you?

Take care.

2married2quit posted 9/10/2013 13:07 PM

Will he cheat again? There's no telling, however if he works on finding out why he did this, the next time he'll be able to recognize the signs. If he really loves you, he'll understand the signs and be a better informed person to make the right choice this time. Temptation is always there, but what we do with it makes a difference.

tushnurse posted 9/10/2013 13:44 PM

Oh Lostly, your Ddays are very recent. While you know you want to stay and work things out, you are a long way from being healed. It takes time, and a lot of work from both of you to recover from this. This isn't something that just happens, it's real, and it is a broken part of yourselves, your M, and needs to be figured out.

I would strongly encourage you to get a lot further out from things before you start considering having kids. You are no where near being able to trust blindly again, and having a baby will complicate things. Take this time to really focus on yourselves and each other to really figure out the why's of what you and he both did.

Keep reading here, in the library, profiles, in the I can relate for madhatters, and keep asking questions.

(((and strength))))

Lostly88 posted 9/10/2013 18:32 PM

Thanks to all of you for your words I'm going to have a talk with him and let him in on how I'm feeling. About everything and see where we head from there......... Hoping for the best

Simple posted 9/10/2013 18:34 PM

It's still new. Even at 2 months or 1 year, that's nothing. Give yourselves some time. We can't hurry healing. It requires time and lots of hard work on both parts.

It does help to look at what each other has done to make things better for the relationship. That way you're looking at things logically instead of emotionally.

Hugs your way.

[This message edited by Simple at 6:35 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)]

sisoon posted 9/10/2013 22:03 PM

It may be late to lock the stable, but GET BOTH OF YOU TESTED FOR STDs! Tomorrow, unless you can get tested tonight.

Stop having unprotected sex until you both test clear. Seriously. Getting tested sucks, but it's better than carrying an infection around.

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 ®. All Rights Reserved.