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Newest Member: NumbEmptySad (61504)

User Topic: Co-Worker Affairs
♂ 40199
Member # 40199
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was wondering if some professions cause an environment that tends to cause a person to cheat.

Years ago a friend who is a pharmacist told me he would not work in a hospital or allow his wife to work in a hospital. When I asked why, he told me the long hours created a comradely that led to EAs. He said the few months he worked in a hospital were enough to convince him that hospitals were all little Peyton Places. (Peyton Place is a dated reference, but this conversation took place years ago)

For some reason that discussion popped into my mind this morning. My WW was an adjunct professor at a university in Atlanta. Lots of long hours, meetings, and an ‘us against the world’ attitude among the professors and adjuncts. Almost a club which excluded outsiders including spouses. There is nothing worse than being around a faculty ‘get together’. Lots of attitude if you don’t have a PhD, insider jokes and comments that the spouses don’t understand, all types of things that seemed to exclude outsiders from ‘the clique’.

I suspect the same type of attitude and environment exists among teachers at the elementary and high school levels, law enforcement officers, and others.

If you had a wayward spouse that had an affair with a co-worker, what was their profession?

Me–BS age 61
Her -- WS age 59
Married for 34 years
One child, 30yrs

Her 'A' 1994(?) through 1998
D-Day 7/4/2013 Yes, I didn't find out for almost 15 years... but the pain is just as bad as if she were with him last week.

Posts: 159 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Near Houston Texas
♀ 38735
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My STBX did not have an A with a co-worker, but my sister had an A and is a nurse in a hospital. She also said that hospitals are a hotbed of infidelity.

[This message edited by newlysingle at 10:31 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)]

BW - Me (40)
XWH -The Gnat
"Engaged" to OW, but the wedding appears to be indefinitely postponed.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (8), 1 DS (3)
Dday 3/13
Happily Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 1268 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: AZ
♀ 36654
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am an RN and worked in the hospital environment for years. I saw alot of affairs going on in that environment. It is a very stressful profession and you do develope close relationships with your co-workers, you have to in order to keep your sanity sometimes.

With that said, I never had an affair with a co-worker. I don't think it so much the environment, but what is missing in the person that cheats and their lack of boundaries. I saw that the ones that did cheat set themselves up for that to happen. Did I ever have the opportunity to cheat?? Of course I did. It was my own boundaries and integrity that told my co-workers that I was not available for that kind of "friendship". I made it very clear that I loved my spouse and he was #1 on my priority list.

There are many stressful careers out there. It is up to the spouse to draw the line, set the boundaries, and put their spouse above everything else. If they find themselves drawn to someone it is up to them to see what is missing in themselves and their marriage and fix it IMO.

BS-55 XWH#2-No longer my monkey
M-11yrs LTA-5yrs Divorced 8/15
"A person is either an asset or a lesson"
"Changing who you are with does not change who you are"

Posts: 9035 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
♀ 30817
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think some professions might draw a certain personality profile that combined with the environment can be toxic. My spouse had an affair with a coworker but is not in healthcare.

I work in politics. Whose zooming who is a frequent topic of discussion. Distasteful but necessary.

Him WH
2 ddays in '07
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 8014 | Registered: Jan 2011
♀ 39996
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H's profession was in the stressful world of energy.....and he traveled weekly for 20 years, sometimes to very remote and dangerous places. It was our lack of contact that finally, in the end caused the A but it was also the resentments that had. Built up over him never being home and me never being there when he got home.


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!

Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
♀ 38511
Member # 38511
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine alot different than all of yours. My H cheated with the woman for which he was doing contract work. The pool boy syndrome I suppose.

Me, 47 BS
H, 65 WH
2 boys 23 and 18 years old
Married 24 years

Posts: 523 | Registered: Feb 2013
♀ 6864
Member # 6864
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥

Posts: 36162 | Registered: Apr 2005
♂ 34478
Member # 34478
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with the whole health care as a hot bed.

Grain of salt here because it dips into the generalization area.

After thinking about this for a while, know the industry a little, here is my take:

A's can happen anywhere. That said, there are certain variables that provide fertile ground for them. Hospital and Clinic offer the following in that regard:

1) Late/odd hours - this helps with hiding and distance from family unless well maintained.

2) Huge power differentials. You have people with 10 years post high school education working with people who only have few.

3) High emotion jobs, personal topics discussed.

4) Dedicated professionals with a high commitment level.

5) Lots of training, evening hours and events with co-workers.

6) Money. A lot of well paid people who can easily hide a few hundo for a night out and in a hotel for a few hours.

7) The sear size of the industry. It everywhere and tons of people who in it.

This is not a rip on the industry. I look at it as not being the people, but the environment which can breed bad behavior.

At the end of the day individuals make choices and should be held accountable. My W is in the field, I don't think it's the industry but her choices that caused her infidelity.

take care...

Posts: 1518 | Registered: Jan 2012
♀ 37725
Member # 37725
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My FWH, OW, and I are all in academia. When the A began, we were all at the same university. FWH is now at a different university, and I am at a different university from either of them.

I taught in the language department (so hard-core humanities person), while they were both in the business school. He was dean, she was assistant dean. They had so much to talk about that her BH and I could not relate to. Even when we would get together as couples, they would yammer on and on about work, leaving her BH and me out of the conversation. And could they talk! I remember several times when her BH (a lawyer) and I would just look at each other in dismay. They made it hard to break in. It was as though her BH and I did not exist.

When OW and WH first met, she had an MBA. OW went on to get her PhD with substantial help from WH. She didn''t understand statistics very well and they used to meet every month or so to work on it. At one point, she got angry because WH would not just tell her the answer to something, but made her reason it out for herself! Hey, OW, I got my degree by doing my own work. So did FWH. She then felt inferior about her degree because it was from a somewhat less-prestigious school than FWH's or mine! What she really needs to feel inferior about is not doing her own work.

Tiredandconfused, I think that our posts prove that having a PhD shows only that you can be smart in a certain field, but really, really stupid about life.

(Edited to correct spelling errors. Thanks a bunch, iPad!)

[This message edited by SadFlower at 11:04 AM, September 10th, 2013 (Tuesday)]

Me: BW, age 69
Him: WH, age 67
Married 22 years
In R.

D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA

Posts: 497 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Connecticut
♀ 40330
Member # 40330
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The first A, he was a GM for a Fast Food joint, and cheated with one of the high school employees.

His current EA he is a truck driver, as is she. Before I found out about the EA we would talk regularly on the phone, but there is only so much to talk about when your spouse is on the road 5 days a week! They are able to keep up with each others crazy hours, as oppose to me being asleep at 3am, because I am at home taking care of our 4 year old!

DD 1: PA 12/4/09 He spent 2.5 years with OW1
R: 8/31/2012
DD 2: EA 8/16/13
BS: 26
WH: 25
1 young daughter.
Terribly disgusted. He refuses to give up his "friend". Headed towards D.

Posts: 138 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: kentucky
♀ 39682
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H had an A with a coworker but I don't think it was their profession. It was that they saw each other every day and developed a friendship. He said he "felt bad for her" because other coworkers made fun of her. He tried to get her to feel better about herself. Their lack of boundaries is what let it go further.
Unfortunately I trusted him blindly and didn't question it until it was too late.

Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 876 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
♀ 35593
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H and OW were not co-workers per se, but they spent a lot of time together at a non profit after hours. And before hours. And during hours. She came on the non profit to take charge, but I thought she was incompetent because every decision needed a phone call or visit to my H, even at his office. She was working his ego non stop.

The A happened because of the time they spent together, poor boundaries, low self esteem, ego boosting, and aggressive pursuit. They developed an "us against the world" emotional connection that set them up as a couple to begin the EA.

I think this dynamic can be present in any profession that requires close interaction between the sexes. How they deal with it is the difference between having an A or going home with your marriage intact.

Me 50's
WH 50's
Married 30+ years
2 young adult children
OW single 20 years younger
Together trying to R

Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose

Posts: 3452 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
♀ 38089
Member # 38089
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I think the work place does help the A happen.

My WH and the OW worked in a building together alone all day. Their supervisor never checked on them and their break room locked, and had a couch in it thats not screaming cheat on your spouses I dont know what does. It did help that the OW was a desperate pathetic whore.

OW - (former co worker of WH)
Dday: Dec 2012

Posts: 608 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ 39313
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the workplace totally breeds this kind of stuff. Where else do you spend a majority of your time?

I hated that the skankface was paid to hang out with my husband. Why do work when you can snuggle up to your manager.

I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 363 | Registered: May 2013
♀ 13333
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Generalizations get ya nowhere... Except ,maybe banned from SI.

A person who will cheat will cheat regardless of their profession - be it the healthcare field or sanitation engineer.

Just as I wouldn't cheat regardless of my profession.

Love isn't what you say, it's what you do.

Posts: 8474 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
♀ 28555
Member # 28555
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH had his first A with his brothers wife.

2nd A was a co-worker.

I believe it's all in what's available.

"If your ideal image of yourself is in the future, it's going to stay there".

Posts: 1187 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Texas
♀ 38020
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I work with mostly women in a clinic. I don't think anyone here has ever dated anyone else.

My WH works as a mechanic. He mostly works with men- an occasional woman here or there, but that person is usually at thr front desk and doesn't interact with the men a lot.

I used to work for a bigger healthcare organization, and there seemed to be a lot of inter-office dating that happened. For some reason between nurses and the x-ray techs. Not sure why, that that combo seemed to happen a lot.

I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

"What did you expect? I am a scorpion."

Posts: 879 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ 19024
Member # 19024
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

See, I don't believe WH workplace caused his A with a co-worker, I think hos work schedule had a lot to do with it. WH & OW worked at a hospital on the midnight shift.. They worked an ortho floor where 90% of the patients were simply staying overnight after surgery.. they didn't need a lot of tending to.. which left a lot of time for WH & OW to become friendly...

I later learned that there were a high numbers of A's at the hospital ..

BUT... his workplace &work hours had little to do with the A.. It was 2 very unhappy, lost people looking for someone to make them fell good....

[This message edited by philly172 at 1:28 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)]

"Sorry" works when a mistake is made, but not when trust is broken. So in life, make mistakes, but never break trust. Because forgiving is easy, but forgetting & trusting again is sometimes impossible

Posts: 4874 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Not in Philly.. it's just a screen name :-)
♀ 17217
Member # 17217
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it has a lot to do with opportunity and where you are in your life -

My H worked with OW for 9 years - and didn't start the affair until after those 9 years of working together. They were older -she wasn't happy in her marriage and was looking for someone to "take her away from everything" and he wasn't happy with himself or where he was in his career and needed an ego boost.

Enter technology, emails which turned flirty (harmless jokes) which turned to texts which turned to phone calls which led to "hey, lets get together" and the rest is history.

I think they both thought having an affair was the best solution to their problems.

That can happen in any profession.

Me: BS
H had LTA with co-worker
Both mid-50s
Two sons - grown and on their own
DD - April 2010
Please note registration date is not correct. See my profile for details
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 1288 | Registered: Nov 2007
♀ 29358
Member # 29358
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When my husband went to work for an automotive manufacturer my dad wanted to meet for lunch. He warned me about factories being rife with adultery. He worked for GM for years and warned of the things he saw.

A few years later I went to work for the same company and once again dad warned me to be careful. My WH freaked out when I worked with the OM in a workplace A. WH was close friends with the BS in that situation. I laughed. I was very aware of boundaries to protect my marriage. I was more than a little amused as it was the first time my WH showed even a hint of jealousy. 11 years later WH had an A with the company whore. He was warned away from her because of her reputation. It was like a bee to honey.

Me - BW 40
Him - FWH 39
Her - MOW 47 Fat Assed Toothless Man Faced Whore!!!

DD#1 July 28, 2010 Admitted to EA. A went underground.
DD#2 August 19,2010 Admitted PA

Posts: 1093 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Michigan
Topic Posts: 25
Pages: 1 · 2

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