SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

Drowning

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

brknwmn posted 9/10/2013 11:46 AM

I feel like I'm drowning and can't find my way back to the surface. Since Sunday (when I was completely honest about my feelings or lack there of to WH) he's completely shut down.

So why do I care so much. It's making me sick. He won't speak to me, look at me, anything

I'm just ready for him to decide to step his game up and show me that he does want me to stay and work things out or just tell me to move on.

I'm home sick today (but I think I'm making myself sick over our situation)

Is this ever going to get any better

Broken1Again posted 9/10/2013 12:15 PM

((((brknwmn))))

I understand completely what you are feeling.

The hard question you need to start asking yourself is Why does he need to be the one to tell you to move on?

You care because you love him and you want your family to work. You need to 180 hard. If you haven't read that yet, please do so in the Healing Library.

brknwmn posted 9/10/2013 12:39 PM

The hard question you need to start asking yourself is Why does he need to be the one to tell you to move on?

I know that he shouldn't. It's not his choice. I've learned through IC in the past (before my relationship with him) that I try and fix everything.

My parents had a really bad marriage. My father cheated on my mother multiple times (even having a child with his OW) he also physically abused her. So very early on I learned to take care of everyone but myself.

I helped my mother cover her black eyes with concealer and held my little brother and sister in my arms covering their ears so that they wouldn't hear the screaming...I know now that I've carried all of this trauma with me into my adult life and unfortunately my marriage.

Right after he came clean about the most recent DDay he told me that he was sexually abused as a child. (I fully believe him. I know this also happened to his brother.) But it's the timing that makes me wonder if he let me know about it then bcuz he knows me...he knows my instinct is to fix it...keep everyone safe

but by keeping everyone else safe I've gotten some really bad scars...

brknwmn posted 9/10/2013 13:23 PM

You need to 180 hard. If you haven't read that yet, please do so in the Healing Library.

I clicked on the Healing Library link and I don't see what you're talking about

Jrazz posted 9/10/2013 13:41 PM

What is the 180 and how does it work?

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/faq_bs.asp#FAQ11

It should take you directly to the 180 section.

Drowning is a really common sensation for those who have JFO. It does get better, but you need to take baby steps towards the light.

You're giving him all the power here. Why should he be the one to tell you to move on? You can try and help him be a better communicator, but at the end of the day he has to be in this with remorse and work or you are going to be waiting forever for something that's not going to materialize.

The 180 is an excellent place to start to get your power back. Sometimes it yanks a WS out of their fog... sometimes not. What it really does is teaches you not to rely on anyone but yourself for emotional stability.

(((brknwmn)))

[This message edited by Jrazz at 1:41 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)]

brknwmn posted 9/10/2013 14:44 PM

thank you Jrazz

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.