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woulda been 8 years. when will I forget?

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little turtle posted 9/10/2013 12:03 PM

Today marks the would have been 8 year wedding anniversary for XH and I. and the 10 year dating anniversary. Will I ever forget what happened on this day so long ago? We didn't make it to our second wedding anniversary before he started cheating...I don't think he was faithful even before we got married. He will never admit to something I don't have proof of, so I'll never know. Sometimes I want to just put my history in a box, throw it in the basement, and never look at it again.

I wasn't thinking about it until yesterday. I found myself reading old emails from OW when I found out he had cheated again (the last time - October 2010). I'm so glad she was honest with me at that point. She told me what I needed to hear. When things ended then, there was never another chance for XH.

I feel like I need to talk with SO about this. I don't remember talking with him about this last year, or the year before. But for whatever reason... I'm bothered by this anniversary today. I don't like bringing up baggage, but it feels wrong to hide my feelings. blah.

Not sure why I posted this. Sometimes people respond with things that make me feel better. Maybe that will happen today.

better4me posted 9/10/2013 12:23 PM

((little turtle))

The time it takes is the time it takes. Spend some time in this place of sadness today, honor the anniversary and the loss of that dream, then tomorrow pick yourself up, dust yourself off and do something fun or interesting or challenging or physical.

You can talk to your SO about it, let him know what is going on, but try not to dwell to long on the "significance" of remembering and thinking about it...

and, gently here, how does one just "find" themselves "reading old emails from OW"...that is pretty passive way of explaining that...why were you looking for them, where are they stored? Maybe, rather than your history, those emails are the things that should be put

in a box, throw(n) in the basement, and never look(ed) at again.

I still have my evidence file, and I know when I look at it I can and do spend several hours in a funk...sometimes I want to feel that way, I guess...but placing them in an uneasy to access place makes reading the emails etc. a deliberate action...something I have to plan on doing. Maybe you could put yours somewhere difficult to access too...

[This message edited by better4me at 12:23 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)]

little turtle posted 9/10/2013 13:36 PM

I found myself reading those emails after searching for them in my inbox. I wanted to update my profile. lame, I know. perhaps I should delete them, but I'm not sure I'm ready. I like the idea of printing them out and then storing them in a place that's difficult to get to. Thanks.

I don't like bringing up things with SO, because he never brings up his past. He dated a girl for longer than I was with XH. He never mentions their anniversary or anything that happened with her.

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