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Naive me, stupid me

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Blameitontherain posted 9/10/2013 14:05 PM

I found out about the affair 4 years after if happened so I was clueless while this went down.

Shortly during/after his unknown affair, WH insisted on buying a two seater airplane. I was hesitant and against it because it seemed rushed. WH complained to OW about it. I was the big bad wife who wouldn't go along with an expensive toy.

Affair ends, plane bought, life moved on. WH was constantly spending time with the plane. When he wasn't flying it, it needed worked on or it needed washed or some other crap. I joked that he spent so much time with it that the plane was his mistress . We joked about it and I even had a decal made for the damn plane- "the mistress". I feel so damn stupid. How could he joke and go along with it like it was nothing knowing that a month before he DID have a mistress???? I feel like sucker is written on my forehead.

I guess this Is another thing that bothers me along with the fact that he says he is sorry and instantly knew he never should have done it after the fact. He held the secret for 4 years and instead of trying to be the best husband he could be, he did the opposite. He detached and basically left me being a single person/parent. He invested in only himself and was wrapped up in his own selfishness.

I know - there is no understanding the illogical. It is crazy making to try and make sense of something that you can't make logical. I guess this is a vent. I just want to scream dumbass at him over and over again but that won't be productive to R.

ItsaClimb posted 9/10/2013 14:28 PM

I also only found out about the A years after it happened and I spent an awful lot of time (still do sometimes!) beating myself up for being so naive... for not seeing what was right in front of my eyes... but really, we weren't naive or stupid, we were just good, decent people, who weren't automatically questioning the authenticity of those we believed also to be good, decent people.

My fWH also did some things in the intervening years that I now look at and think "WTF?" For example, my step-dad cheated on his girl-friend a couple of years ago and I was furious with him, I was disgusted, I went on and on about it... and guess what? fWH was just as shocked and disgusted as I was!! Riiiiight... the man who had cheated on his WIFE of 15 years was disgusted with his father-in-law for cheating on his girl-friend of 3 months.

It all defies logic!

Lonelygirl10 posted 9/10/2013 16:29 PM

I struggle with feeling stupid and naive too. I feel like I was this sweet and caring partner, and just let him abuse me without having any clue that it was going on. I use the words stupid and dumb in IC a lot, and she told me to say naive instead. She said that me trusting WS does not make me stupid or dumb. She says that I'm a good person who was betrayed, and she also said that she'd rather be naive and trusting than scared and not trusting all the time. I don't know if I agree with that. My worst fear now is that he will do it again, and I'll be that naive and dumb girl again

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