Today is exactly 30 days since I had confirmation/proof of the infidelity of my WH with a prostitute. It's been an extremely distracted, unfocused day, which stinks because I have a ton of work to do. But it will wait until tomorrow I suppose.
I'm still 'Fogged In', not sure if I'm coming or going. WH is remorseful and trying to do 'almost' everything right to repair the M. I say 'almost' because he still does not want to talk about the actual event at all. When I come to him with questions or need to talk, he usually says it's hard for him to talk about it and then the whole convo just goes south. We've been in MC, and the counselor has said that he needs to realize that talking about it & him answering questions is part of my healing process. Although WH still hasn't succeeded in that yet.
He is being patient, understanding and remorseful, which has helped tremendously! However I found out a couple of days ago, because I was able to recover deleted text messages from his phone, that he lied to me on more than one occasion about how much he paid for the night that blew up my life! It doesn't even make sense why he would lie about it.... what's the difference between $150 or $200 at this point? I'm more sick that he chose to lie, than the fact that he spent $50 more on this whore.
I know I'm getting TT, I'm terrified there was more than 1 prostitute, or escort or ONS or whatever! Of course he 'assures' me there was not, it was only once........ whatever
Not sure how or if I will ever get to the truth of it. I will say for me a deal breaker would be to find out 6 months or a year down the road that there were 5 ONS instead of one. That he didn't take the chance now to be 100% honest for the sake of the M and my own healing.
On top of dealing with all of this, we've had disasters with DS (WH step-son, but WH is the only Dad DS has ever known, his bio-dad is dead). DS is 16, threatening to move out, says he's tired of the lack of relationship between him and WH...... ironic! But true, they've had a strained relationship since day 1 pretty much. There have been times of improvement, but WH has never been the Father DS needed. And for some reason, now, in the middle of all of this, it all came to a head.
It seems that we've overcome a hurdle with DS, because of the actions of WH towards him. I think, for now, it is better. I pray WH can continue to be the man DS needs in his life. If I'm killing myself trying to R because I love WH, & it turns out he and DS can't work it out, then the W is doomed anyways.
I'm literally unsure how I am still breathing everyday.
I'm grateful for SI and all the advice/encouragement/wisdom I've found here. I read the boards just about everyday, I don't feel like I am at a place to comment on others posts, I'm no help to anyone just yet. I hope to be a source of strength and wisdom at some point! But I am thankful for all of you that have reached that point in your journey!!