"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

StillLivin posted 9/10/2013 15:34 PM

I posted a while back.
I have HPV. Got it from my WH 22 years ago when we were just dating.
Asked if I should tell OW...cuz frankly I hope she doesn't get regular PAPs and discovers when it is too late that she got it from him.
I did take the advice from all the wonderful SI folks to call her and tell her.
So I tried. She blocked me.
Anywho, I don't have an address, but thanks to the internet, I have her father's phone no. (whome she lives with).
Her and her father have a very volatile/toxic relationship.
To call Daddy or not to call.
Hmmmm, hope he beats her @$$ if I do call him.
At this point, calling him would satisfy my desire for rewarding revenge. And seeing as I've made the attempt to call before, and I do NOT have an address, what do you wonderful folks think I should do?
Oh, and I am NC with STBXH, but his selfish P/A self refuses to tell her (got this 6 months ago from his own lips).

Simple posted 9/10/2013 15:46 PM

I suggest that you send a letter, leave a voicemail or leave a text next time. If she doesn't get the message who cares, you've done your part. Don't let her dictate your life anymore. The best revenge is if you've healed and happy with your life and you feel pity for her.

I got HPV as well from his many affairs. Unlike you, I don't care to call so many women to tell them. I have my own problems and I have absolutely no anger or care or anything about them. They are not worth my time. They knew the risks, if they don't then they are idiots. If you look at my signature, you know what I think about idiots.

StillLivin posted 9/10/2013 15:59 PM

Thank you simple, but I do not have her address. I don't care to waste the time trying to find it, and since she has blocked my number I am unable to call or text to her phone even when I block my number.
I should just let it go and let her get the cancer she deserves.
However, something several other SI folks chimed in.
She will sleep with another BS's husband again one day. An innocent BS will think she is in a monogamous relationship, and SHE may be the one that gets HPV and later cancer for trusting her husband.
That guilt I do not want to live with if I can help it.
Her physically abusive father beating her @$$ is just icing on the cake. Most of us BS wouldn't condescend to lower ourselves by beating the OW or OM's butt. Sooooo...with that said,

Skan posted 9/10/2013 18:52 PM

Well, while I play a nice, warm, and understanding person, in true life, I'm not. Being as the only contact number you have is her dads, I think that I'd be rather temped to ask her father to pass along the message. Nice, no. Would I care? Impossible to say.

ThoughtIKnewYa posted 9/10/2013 19:06 PM

Well, my H got HPV from his A. He had a combination of cancer and non-cancerous things growing on him. I am still HPV negative, miraculously. H had to have a pretty major surgery and we had witnessed a 27 year old dying from cervical cancer during the A (she was the W of H's co-manager), so I felt like it was really the right thing to call and let her know.

So, she let the call go to voicemail and I hung up. She called back and practically threw the phone at her mom when she realized it was me and she said, "It's TIKY, AGAIN."<<< I hadn't contacted her in over two years, at that time, so I'm thinking she was getting calls from another BS and I was taking the blame??? I don't know. Anyway, she was so curious as to what I was saying, I kept telling her mom it was fine to put me on speaker phone... She didn't because OW was having a hard time keeping herself together.

Anyway, her reaction was odd. She said IMMEDIATELY, "I don't have that." Instead of, "He exposed me to WHAT??". And she also claimed to have had all of the expanded HPV tests that they only do when you've been exposed- and been cleared. I just tried to express to her mom how important this all was because it CAN kill you. Her mom thanked me and that was the last contact I've had.

JustWow posted 9/10/2013 19:09 PM

Just call from a different phone.

Ashland13 posted 9/10/2013 19:28 PM

If Ow is refusing to communicate, isn't there really only so much you can do? These people are adults, frankly, and knew that risks were at hand when the hanky panky started-so I don't mean to sound cold, but it doesn't seem to me that it's your job to inform Ow of this stuff.

Especially if WH knows about it, it's up to him to tell her, in my opinion-it's not your relationship or dealings with her, it's his.

But I can also understand your POV, too.

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 7:31 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)]

anewday78 posted 9/10/2013 19:51 PM

I think you really need to examine WHY you feel so compelled to tell her and then decide if it's a good enough reason, because frankly, this is not a good enough reason to put something so private about your privates in the hands of somebody who most likely hates you:

She will sleep with another BS's husband again one day. An innocent BS will think she is in a monogamous relationship, and SHE may be the one that gets HPV and later cancer for trusting her husband

honestly think that this woman who was knowingly complicit in the destruction of your marriage is going to care about ruining some other woman's life in the future? Let sleeping dogs lie. She is making a coconscious choice to be with a guy who had unprotected sex with somebody other than his wife. If she assumes she was the only one, she's just stupid. If she doesn't get paps regularly, she's just stupid. There's too much stupidity in the world. Think of her potential consequences as natural selection taking its course.

[This message edited by anewday78 at 7:52 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)]

heartache101 posted 9/10/2013 21:17 PM

Do not contact her *crickets*

brokenblackbird posted 9/10/2013 21:48 PM

Ignore. There is nothing to gain. The act of having sex exposed her to numerous STDs. If she isn't smart enough to get regular check ups, thats on her. It has nothing to do with you.

StillLivin posted 9/11/2013 12:34 PM

Thank you ANewDay.
You alleviated the guilt I was feeling for not making a true attempt at contacting her.
You are 100% right, she is so selfish, she would never let a future WH know she has HPV.
I would just be wasting my breath.
Being completely honest, the reason I didn't try harder to reach her, I hated her and felt she deserved to get cancer later.
Now, I don't hate her (but wouldn't mind hearing about somebody, even Dad, beating her @$$) anymore and allowed concscious to play with my head.
Nothing would be accomplished accept that she might be able to actually prevent, through proper medical care, herself only from getting cancer. I sincerely pray no other MM sleeps with her and takes it back to his BS, but I cannot hold myself responsible, it would be the MM's guilt to bare.
New my SI folks would give me a better perspective!