I am new to this site and this situation, having told my wife about my 4 month affair on Easter weekend this year. We are still together and are in marriage counselling. I am also going to individual counselling.
I realise the stupid, selfish, cliched thing I did and how close I came to losing all that was important to me i.e. my wife and 3 beautiful children. I want to make it work.
I am open and transparent now about all aspects of my life. I have not had secret contact with my affair partner and would have happily broken all contact except we occasionally see each other at work (we work in the same department). If we have to speak we are civil to each other but nothing more and I tell my wife about it in the evening.
I have answered all my wife's questions to the best of my recollection and have not kept any details or events secret from her - she knows everything that went on in gory detail.
My wife says that I am not supporting her emotionally - that I am cold and lack empathy. I don't know how to help her as she seems angry and depressed all the time and either doesn't want to engage with me or her responses are filled with bile and profanity.Not that I blame her of course but it makes it difficult to know how to get close and make this emotional connection. I have been trying to demonstrate caring in other ways and being affectionate.
Any thoughts/suggestions/shared experience welcome....