Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
In Association with
Infidelity -
- Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: FrustratedJoker (61483)

User Topic: Love languages applied
♀ 38207
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H and I took the 5 love languages quiz months ago. We familiarized each other with the title of our love languages and promised to work at showing our affection using them. This 'plan' has been pretty useless. See, even though we share one of our top two languages, we still speak that language differently. His idea of quality time and my idea of quality time are decidedly different. What he considers to be him speaking words of affirmation to me is not what I desire to hear as words of affirmation. So, here is what we are trying. Our bathroom mirror now has each of our love languages written with a couple of general ideas for how to express them. My side looks something like this:
Words of Affirmation
- give direct compliments, not all related to physical appearance

Quality Time
- talk/share our day (NO TV)
- Bible reading/study

Anybody else have good ideas about applying love languages or just building loving feelings?

Posts: 1595 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ 38384
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey MLM, One of mine is gifts. I sent him a list of gifts that I enjoy getting:

ie: a cup of coffee, a fav magazine/chocolates. Hey, if he wants to get me a beautiful nightie which is not on the list who am I to turn it away?

His is touch. I am not a toucher but I have become moreso bc that is what he NEEDS. I will walk by him and touch his arm, rub is neck when he's driving. We even fall asleep holding hands.

I think Chapman makes it clear that if you the person likes, I will use touch as an example, but you are not touching in a way that is pleasing, you must say something.

ps: Did you just take the quiz or did you also read the book? I would read the book.

[This message edited by LA44 at 8:53 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)]

Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 3439 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
♀ 38207
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read the book many years ago, before I was even considering a long-term relationship, on the suggestion of my pastor. It is a great read.

Posts: 1595 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My FWH's language is touch. He actually sinks deep into depression if he's not touched enough. If he's deep into depression or feeling horrible, I can almost singlehandedly turn that around by touch alone.

Mine is gifts of service. Right now, my back is killing me, so FWH has cleaned the pool, cleaned the kitchen, and is cooking dinner while I'm typing. He's scoring big tonight!

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 10056 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Topic Posts: 4

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
© 2002 - 2017 All Rights Reserved.