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Newest Member: Nala87 (61091)

User Topic: I Get Divorced Tomorrow
♂ 38233
Member # 38233
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tomorrow's the big day. Uncontested divorce and we signed a waiver of appeal, so everything will be final tomorrow. I didn't expect to jump for joy, but I didn't expect to feel so confused.

How did I get here? How did my wife change overnight? She compares it to waking up from amnesia. She says her trauma-filled childhood made her wear a mask that was so convincing that even she didn't know she was pretending the whole time. Then one day she had a conversation with a guy online from junior high school and it unlocked everything. The 50 Shades of Gray thing they had going was just her way of working through the changes.

She says that she remembers how she used to adore me and hang on my every word. She acknowledges that I was the best and nicest guy she's ever known and that I didn't deserve any of this, but that she has no desire to be married. That was her old life and all of the nice church-girl image was the complete opposite of who she is. So now she's planning to get tattooed up, curses every other word and has been randomly meeting guys from some internet BDSM site.

I made a baby with this woman based on her character. We were together for seven years before our baby was born. That's a long time to weed out crazy. I ended up making the same mistake my family members did in having a kid with a broken home and a crazy mom to deal with. None of it makes any sense and I suppose it never will. I have no doubt that I'm making the right decision getting divorced. I just can't believe I'm in this situation. None of it seems real.

D-Day: January 2013
Me, BH: 34
Her, WW: 34
Married 10 years
Kids: Daughter, 6
Divorced: Sep 2013

Posts: 46 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ 39051
Member # 39051
Default  Posted: 11:41 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was the same story on my end--so many years together before kids, then they affair happens and the physically and emotionally become a different person.
I understand your mixed-feelings. We loved our spouses so much or we wouldn't be here searching to heal ourselves.

I don't have any good advice, but sending hugs and positivity your way, especially tomorrow.

And I disagree with your handle, nice guys don't finish last, just maybe more slowly while the universe finds someone worthy of you.

[This message edited by Iamhappytoday at 11:41 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)]

BW 39
WH 34
2DD's 15 months at start
Together 10 years, M 9
OW 22 CW, 2kids by 2 men & youngest less than 1 when affair started.
Dday 1 8/16/12 "just texting"
TT, gaslighting, denial; was always PA; he left me for her. Divorced 8/11/15

Posts: 215 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Free!!!
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Finalizing the D can be a bit anti-climatic. All those years of marriage, the dreams, the plans, the life you built together... and it's all undone with a couple of signatures on a piece of paper?

Confusion is normal. Swirling emotions are normal. Grief, relief, happiness, anger, tears... Whatever today brings for you, lean into it and allow yourself to feel it.

Sending you strength and comfort. (((((NG)))))

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

Posts: 40227 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was wondering about you the other day. Glad you popped in with an update.

Our divorce was quick also. i was told to be prepared to feel everything and anything-they were right! i was all over the place.

Did you get custody?


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 6708 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
♂ 32380
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My experience was similar. Except she never really wanted to talk about herself and her issues other than I caused her to do this. Her only apology..."Gee maybe I SHOULD have talked to you about this and that was probably my only mistake".

Really? Maybe you should have talked to me? Mine turned in to an emotional-less monster almost overnight. No empathy whatsoever. Total blameshifting and her "I need to be happy" quotes.

We were together 2.5 years before we got engaged. Looking back I should have listened to my gut about a few things I was always concerned about. Now I see that these things stemmed from her childhood and FOO issues. They still continue today and I really think she's a very confused little girl still inside. You will get through this. You will feel different for a while. Sort of lost and uneasy. It just takes time for it to sink in and the emotions to pass. But they will.

BS(me) 50
WW 49
1 son 17 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley

Posts: 1636 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
♀ 30862
Member # 30862
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Big hugs.

Posts: 318 | Registered: Jan 2011
♂ 38233
Member # 38233
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the support everyone.

From the time I walked into the room until the time I left, the whole thing took less than five minutes. She didn't even show up. We have joint legal and physical custody. Moral fiber notwithstanding, there wasn't any evidence to justify sole custody. With the waiver of appeal, our divorce was final immediately, which just happened to be two days before what would have been our ten year anniversary.

It feels odd to not be married. I'm not even talking about her, but just the fact that I've been married the majority of my adult life. I guess it's time for something new. What, I have no idea.

D-Day: January 2013
Me, BH: 34
Her, WW: 34
Married 10 years
Kids: Daughter, 6
Divorced: Sep 2013

Posts: 46 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ 37063
Member # 37063
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Just wanted to post and offer support although I have no advice or wisdom to give. My divorce will almost be done and also 2 days before our would-be anniversary. The universe has a sick sense of humour sometimes... Be extra kind to yourself this week!

I know what you mean about it being weird not being married. I also married young so big chunk of my adult life was spent with stbxwh. Heck I grew up with him so he was part of most of my life...

We're still better off without them and you will find your new groove and flourish. Good luck and hang in there!

Me xBW, him SA NPD WxH
1 son: sole legal custody to me and supervised visitation to xwh.
No longer broken
DDay 01/2012
10/2013 Finally Divorced!!

Posts: 337 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 8

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