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Why does this bother me?

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persevere posted 9/10/2013 21:39 PM

XWH and I use the same tax accountant, and she was a mutual friend of one of my best friends, who XWH has not seen or spoken to since right before DDay in January 2011.

Our accountant is a really nice lady, and my best friend saw her recently, and she slightly verified (BF didn't push due to the client aspect) what I already knew but hoped wasn't completely true. That he and Wifetress did buy a house in Puerto Vallarta (our empty nesting dream) and that he is doing extremely well financially.

I'm not about the money - actually our split reminded me how unimportant money actually is - his financial success started when we were together and is actually what I believed changed him - his ego took over. But it still just pisses me off that he is doing so well financially. Spiritually and familywise, he's a trainwreck - I talked to his mom this week - and she was so thrilled to talk to me because she has a shadow of the relationship with him now compared to how it was when we were together. We were all about the family. Now he pretty much spends all his time with wifetress and her family and friends. He walked away from all of our friends, including his best friend from high school and college who I still keep in touch with. I'm also still close with his daughter who barely speaks to him (though she and I barely speak of him in our conversations).

So I guess I haven't completely reached indifference because I have to admit I would like to know that he suffers somehow. My best guess is that it is within himself and that he continues to lie to himself tremendously.

I know it just doesn't matter, but it does still have me thinking about it more than I should care.

MovingUpward posted 9/10/2013 21:52 PM


We know not the day nor hour that the karma bus cometh.

missherlots posted 9/10/2013 22:15 PM

if you two believe in Karma, remember that Karma works for this and next life.
Do good deeds, it will protect you always and makes you feel good about yourself. Good deed are not only money, but your time for someone that need it or volunteering or just wishing well and love for everyone in this world (including your ex) is a powerful thing. Not easy but true.
Read about the impermanence law and compassion. Very strong issues in this life.
Wanting (desires) is the issue to work on to feel better and letting go.
Hope you have time to meditate 15 every day. it will do the trick.
my two cents.

Sad in AZ posted 9/10/2013 23:44 PM

I think it's fairly simple; it bothers you because he's achieved a lifetime goal that both of you were working toward, and a pretty damn nice one at that. It may no longer be your goal, but it once was, and it's hard to let it not bother you.

So maybe it's not so much that you want to see him hoisted on his own petard but that you would prefer to not be reminded of this achievement.

persevere posted 9/11/2013 00:21 AM

The together goal of a house in Mexico is the rub I think. He just picked it up with OW.

But with regard to finances in general I really do not care. But I do hate that he probably uses that as a measure of success.

I believe that positive relationships mean far more than financial success. But I need to remember that he has no reference for that at this point.

suckstobeme posted 9/11/2013 02:21 AM

I think it's normal for the house to bother you. That was something you and he worked toward for a long time and now OW gets to enjoy it. Fuck her and fuck him.

At the same time, you are on the right track in thinking that all of his money and things are just empty. He has no center, no core, and no amount of money will change that.

My IC once asked me how I defined success. I told her that I thought I would be successful if a handful of people missed me when I'm gone from this world. If I made an impact and my family and close friends had good, loving memories of me. Money didn't come into the equation.

If you define success in a similar way, it's easy to see that your exWH is not successful by any stretch of the imagination. He tossed everyone away, including his mother, daughter, and best friend. Who will be there for him in the end? Is OW gonna be there when he's old and sick and runs through his money? He better hope so since there is no one else.

My exWH did the same thing. He threw away everyone and now has virtually nothing. OW is still in the picture, but they certainly has no happily ever after lifestyle. Meanwhile, he's lost the respect of his colleagues, family and friends. And, as far as our kids go, they are little but already see that they are not his first priority. These days, that is reserved for OW and alcohol.

Anyway, my point is that he's got nothing. Regardless of what he can show in a bank account, tax return or real estate portfolio. He has and always will have nothing because of who he is on the inside.

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