I have so many things going through my head.
Do I 180? Do I continue to R?
He starts IC tomorrow.
He has been late to work (not his fault) the past 2 days and had to work over to make it up so he doesn't get in trouble. He's thinking of going to his mom's tonight to stay(she lives 10min from his work)
I hate when he's not here.
He left this morning grumpy and I called him on it. Said he was thinking alot and he was sorry for being grumpy.
I found a letter he wrote me about 3yrs ago when he 1st told me the hooker story(was really the OW)
I copied it and was thinking of giving him the letter with some highlighted areas and comments.
I think maybe if I had been where I am today and been able to voice my concerns and anger that maybe all of this would not have happened.
Also, a guy he used to work with that I've never met in person or even talked to on phone or on FB before has sent me a friend request. This is the same guy that also had an A with the same OW. He baited my husband to make a move on her saying she was wanting it, well he was doing it to see if she would cheat on him(the other guy) and well once my H did whatever it was he did the 1st time(hooker story) this guy stopped talking to the OW and my H never put it together until just recently.
I am wondering do I accept this request and pry for info on OW? I only know her 1st name and that she lives in a certain area, nowhere near us thank GOD or I'd be a raving lunatic.
I don't know that I want to torture myself with anymore info about her. At the same time, I'd like to take her pic and her phone number and plaster her all over the place with "call me, I'm a slut who sleeps with married men with no regard for my family or yours"
I won't though, well, I don't think I would.
I don't want him to go stay at his moms but I know if he's late again for the 3rd day in a row, it won't be good.
I just don't want this to be a daily or even every other day thing.
It leaves no time for us and well right now we haven't been communicating well again.
I also double checked his phone calls and texts to the girl he used to work with (NOT THE OW) that he was texting on Saturday while I was out and he intially called her in early afternoon and then I was able to hack into his phone and he was looking for something to do with our child and thought that maybe they could get together and the two kids could play(her child is about 1wk older than mine, we were pregnant at same time)
I am still very upset about his calling her 1st though.
I am going to have to make a list of boundaries that he needs to follow if he wants this to work. I know he's not sure of anything right now but I need to have my boundaries out there.
I am also pissed because he seems to never fight for our marriage, If I say it's over, he's ok with that...well in the past he's like what can I do if you say your done? For one ASSHOLE, let me know you care enough to want to try and make it work.
I am a mess emotionally and I had a bad day. I ate chicken nuggets for lunch but did not eat the fries at all, not even one.
I've been doing so good, but the stress of it all got to me today. I have to be strong and not let this get out of control again.
[This message edited by heathenchristian at 9:57 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)]