So I've officially been in affair season since May of this year. However it's been June onwards that I've been slipping and slipping....and slipping into sadness.
Friday is my dday of domestic violence which over the past week has been really awful. On Friday we were supposed to spend the day together, he really honestly tried to move things around (as it's not so easy for him to get a day off). But as of two days it became obvious that this will not come to fruition.
This has really upset me and today we spent a bit of the day together. He decided to take me to my grandad's grave. I mean I hadn't been there for a year, I don't drive so you know it isn't as if I could get there myself. And it's not like I could say no without feeling guilty.
But when I was there, I just felt or realised I don't know. Like a real failure. I have no family really. This was compounded by the fact that when I spoke to WH later that he said it was a key factor in never really considering leaving me. It's like he feels he has the obligation. He understands the why of how he felt that way was honestly ridiculous (career and the such). But that's not the point is it>?
But since then it's really dawn on me that I have no family. I don't have a mother or father, brother or sister, auntie or uncle, grandmother or grandfather to lean on, to offer support, to say they love me, to live with if money was fucked. I mean I do, but they are all rich violent and alcoholic. And no I do not want any relationship with them, because it would escelate out of control.
I have nothing.
There's really no point to this post, I get it but I felt like venting. So thankyou