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still a cheater in my dreams

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Darkness Falls posted 9/11/2013 08:08 AM

Over the past few months I've been having dreams about the OM. I'd say it's been around 5-6 total. They are either dreams where it's obvious or implied that I'm still having an A (as in, contained within the dream is the knowledge that I'm also with XH) or they are extremely sexually explicit.

I don't want to keep having these dreams. I wake up feeling triggery and unhappy, and of course guilty because of the erotic feelings I "felt" in the dream.

Just wanted to put it out there that this is happening and it's bothering me. Anyone have success controlling their mind while asleep?

EmotionalFool posted 9/11/2013 10:49 AM

I feel weird writing this. I never thought I would be doing my dream analysis but here we are.

Anyways as I pointed out I have been doing my dream analysis with the help of my IC. It took some time and I cant still do it alone but my dreams give me very important clues about what I am trying to avoid in real life.
Similar theme keeps repeating until I process the dream.

Before Dday I kept dreaming about toilets. I could never ever understand it. Never. It was quite puzzling. After Dday those kind of dreams faded away. Turns out according to my counselor my conscious was telling to flush out the secrets.

Its never about the people we see in dream. They are just projections of what we associate them with. Best way to do it is write immediately in the morning how you felt IN the dream. Not about the dream but IN the dream. There will be diffrenent places/objects/people. Observe how each of it made you feel in the dream.

I have observed there is always a message in the dream if the theme is repeating. Once you decode it, the theme changes. You donít really need to control your mind. Just figure out what its trying to tell you.

badchoice posted 9/11/2013 11:51 AM

My IC likes it when I remember my dreams too.

They are just projections of what we associate them with. Best way to do it is write immediately in the morning how you felt IN the dream. Not about the dream but IN the dream. There will be diffrenent places/objects/people. Observe how each of it made you feel in the dream.

she always wants to know how I felt during the dreams too.

I think you should journal about them and as EF said, note how you felt.

Are you in IC so you can have help sorting them out?

TrulySad posted 9/11/2013 15:41 PM

I really like this advice. I think I need to put a pad of paper and pen on my nightstand and write them as soon as I wake up.

Darkness Falls posted 9/11/2013 16:57 PM

Thanks for the comments.

No, I'm no longer in IC. I will take the suggestions of writing down details and trying to figure out what else is going on in the background of the dream.

I've never been very intuitive about dreams or knowledgeable about their analysis.

EmotionalFool posted 9/12/2013 01:53 AM

I've never been very intuitive about dreams or knowledgeable about their analysis.


Neither did I. Online dictionary of dream interpretation doesnt really help as you have very personal interpretation of the world. The way you associate things is very much dependent on you.


Within a couple of months after Dday I started dreaming about a guy who had rejected me. Very frequently. I freaked out thinking WTH!! I cant deal with this NOW.. why HIM of all the ppl.. Do I still have feelings for him blah blah blah.. It really bothered me.


After a couple of IC sessions we figured out I have assoicated him with Rejection. Not reciprocating my feelings.


At that time I was so focused on CL and just did not want to accpet what was happening. CL was completely withdrawn and I kept trying to make a connection with him. Every time he was angry I used be scream in my head .. No.. no.. no.. this cant be happening.


When I started analyzing my dream about this guy... I realized I did not want face the reality. I did not want to accept that my feelings were not reciprocated by CL and they may nver be. This might be the end of the relationship. That realization took a huge toll on me. I had to foucs on me for a while.


The guy stopped appearing in my dreams so frequently. Now when sometimes he does I can link it to whats happening in my real life.

It was never about HIM anyway.

Jrazz posted 9/15/2013 18:17 PM

I felt compelled to respond to this today because I had a dream about a former bf last night. One of those kinds of dreams.

I woke up feeling guilty and gross. What helped me was talking to Crazz about it. He wasn't phased, and I don't have any daytime thoughts about this person so I'm chalking it up to latent memories and some kind of metaphor I have yet to decipher.

I'm really interested in dream analysis - so this has pushed me to get back into my books on the subject.

I hope that your dreams have been calmer since, hb0903.

SoOver96 posted 9/15/2013 21:08 PM

There is a dream dictionary on line it's free I go on that all the time

StillStanding1 posted 9/16/2013 23:39 PM

I, too, feel compelled to respond... I'm a BS. I don't often remember my dreams, but had a vivid one the other morning that really bothered me and I couldn't put my finger on it until I read your post.

We have a ravine at the back of our yard. The trees block the view of the houses behind us. I dreamt that I woke up and all the trees had been removed by our neighbors and a nice new line of flowers planted instead.

Why did this bother me so much? I just realized maybe it's a metaphor for my life. How could all that "work" get done without me noticing? The new plantings were nice, but I preferred the tree line and my privacy. Why did the neighbors do this without even consulting me, seeing as it would affect my family (and our view) for years?

Ahhh, I totally get it now. Thanks for the post. I couldn't figure out why I would have such a wierd silly dream and why it bothered me so much. Now I do.

To answer your question, I have no idea how anyone can get control of their dreams. I guess just trying to fix things in real life, so that they don't need to bother us in our dreams...

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