InnerLight - This is bringing up a bit of anxiety, because I am worried about things turning into a mess. Not so much between my friend and I, but with STBX (who has done some spying on me
and was able to put the pieces together about the feelings my not-just-a-friend and I have for each other) and my family (because it's so soon). I feel like I'm lying because I have to keep pushing aside the feelings I have. I don't usually live like this, with my actions out of sync with my feelings. That said, I realize it is prudent to take things VERY slowly if/when we do decide to move forward. I am very introverted, so the idea of dating a stranger is anxiety-provoking, but it's not a situation I think I'd ever find myself in anyways. When I date, it will have to be at least a casual acquaintance. Especially because of STBX's sex addiction, I feel that I have to know a man at least a little bit before I could even consider a date. The idea of OLD or a blind date terrifies me!
It is a lot about trusting myself. In some ways, all of this fallout from STBX's infidelity increased my trust in myself. Yeah, I did a lot of rug sweeping over the years, but I SAW the things that were wrong. I excused them away or ignored them, but I still saw and felt that things weren't what they should be. Now that I know that my former reality wasn't "normal", it's like my eyes have been opened. I feel a profound sense of relief just knowing that part of my life is over. I never again have to worry about not feeling like I'm enough, because I WON'T settle for that. I won't settle for someone who can't/won't/doesn't share certain interests, because I now know what it feels like to enjoy (as opposed to tolerate) activities with someone who loves them as much as I do. I won't settle for someone who can't provide the emotional support I need and who isn't willing to pull part of the load. This ordeal has taught me that the things I want/need aren't unreasonable or unattainable.
People do tell me I'm coping really well, but like I said in my OP, I started this process 5 years ago. I started to find myself when I realized then-DH wasn't willing/able to share my interests and passions. I started my journey, and in a lot of ways I left him behind. It used to make me sad; I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me that he didn't want to go with me. Now it's painfully obvious that he was the problem. Not that I am blameless in some of the issues in our relationship, but his A, his issues from the SA... They have nothing at all to do with me. It's been difficult, and lonely, and heartbreaking at times... but it's set me free.
phmh - I'm so sorry you lost a friend... That must have been really difficult, especially at a time when everything was still so raw.
If things don't work out, work would be awkward, but I don't think it would be unbearable. I'm actually looking at transferring to a different division of the company after the first of the year, and we'll have much less professional contact after that. When we met, he was my direct supervisor, but we've since gone on our separate career paths, even though we work at the same place.
I guess in a lot of ways, unless something major changes in the near future, I've already decided that I want to try. It's just a matter of when. We've already been inching that way, and unless I slam my foot on the brakes, it'll likely just continue. Maybe it'll just happen if it's supposed to, and I'm way overthinking this?