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Newest Member: asherssoul (45716)

User Topic: Is This A New Beginning? It sucks!
Merlin
♂ 30221
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WW and I split 5 years back. Ugly, long, disastrous, expensive, financially ruinous divorce that includes permanent alimony. Several issues still being dragged into court.

My business is all but collapsed as trying to be a full-time Dad, housekeeper, family financial manager and consultant is overwhelming.

I am in IC and taking an AD (Celexa).
But I am still a mess. I remain in the 'plain of lethal flatness' and cannot shake myself out of it. Is this just wallowing in self-pity?

Has anyone else stayed this dysfunctional for this long? What do you do to get your life going again?


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
LearningToRun
♀ 31353
Member # 31353
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Only 2 years out from the divorce with ongoing court issues? Id say its no wonder you have not yet healed. It took me 2 1/2 before i was ready to date, and my D was a low conflict divorce.
Maybe the AD is making you feel flat? i had heard that as you blunt the pain, so you also blunt joy.
What steps have you taken to create your own life other than being a caretaker?
I forced myself out there and made friends. It wasnt easy, but it saved me.
Focus on you, Merlin. Thats how you get your life going. Find a hobby, join a group, look into meetup.....

Posts: 312 | Registered: Feb 2011
Merlin
♂ 30221
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks LTR. Many of my old friends and business contacts are gone now, casualties to either the divorce or my being everything for my kids, home, business and ongoing court crap.

Making new ones at 62 is not easy.

Good advice!


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
beingmiranda
♀ 32519
Member # 32519
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Merlin,
I agree... you have many issues, no wonder you aren't healed. One step at a time.
How about those meet up groups?


Me: now 38
Him: up and left for OW
OW: old maid mid thirties with biological clock ticking, desparate for a man.
Divorced the cheater - 8/2011
Married the most AMAZING man - 10/2013

Posts: 797 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: NJ
Kajem
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Merlin,

No advice. Just know that you aren't alone picking yourself up out of the pit for a new beginning.

We will survive, maybe not the way we planned, but we will.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5528 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Jer2911
♀ 40530
Member # 40530
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Merlin what I have learned from Divorce Care is that everyone's time frame for healing is different. I have people in my group that it has been many years and they are still healing. My own situation is still so new and raw I have no idea what to expect in the healing department. I only know that with 4 kids whose WD set a horrible example for that my focus is on them. I rely on my faith and just take it minute by minute. I am working on forgiving myself because through here I have learned that marriage issues may have been partly my fault but his decision to cheat and leave his family for OW after 24 years is 100% his burden to carry. We are harder on ourselves than anyone else could ever be. Allow yourself to grieve and most of all forgive yourself. You will and I hope I will eventually reach a place of healing and peace.


Me: 43
WH: 47
M: 20 yrs Together 24
4 kids: 13, 15, 15, 17
DD: 6/24/13 PA
Status: Separated. WH living with OW.

Posts: 7 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Florida
Merlin
♂ 30221
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks to all for your thoughts.

Somehow, I must unstick myself. And that does not seem to be happening.

Life slowly grinds to a halt. I am a great Dad. Single parenting is the most difficult thing I have ever done and I salute all of you for having the strength.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
Topic Posts: 7

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