SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Merlin posted 9/11/2013 12:36 PM

WW and I split 5 years back. Ugly, long, disastrous, expensive, financially ruinous divorce that includes permanent alimony. Several issues still being dragged into court.

My business is all but collapsed as trying to be a full-time Dad, housekeeper, family financial manager and consultant is overwhelming.

I am in IC and taking an AD (Celexa).
But I am still a mess. I remain in the 'plain of lethal flatness' and cannot shake myself out of it. Is this just wallowing in self-pity?

Has anyone else stayed this dysfunctional for this long? What do you do to get your life going again?

LearningToRun posted 9/11/2013 13:56 PM

Only 2 years out from the divorce with ongoing court issues? Id say its no wonder you have not yet healed. It took me 2 1/2 before i was ready to date, and my D was a low conflict divorce.
Maybe the AD is making you feel flat? i had heard that as you blunt the pain, so you also blunt joy.
What steps have you taken to create your own life other than being a caretaker?
I forced myself out there and made friends. It wasnt easy, but it saved me.
Focus on you, Merlin. Thats how you get your life going. Find a hobby, join a group, look into meetup.....

Merlin posted 9/11/2013 15:19 PM

Thanks LTR. Many of my old friends and business contacts are gone now, casualties to either the divorce or my being everything for my kids, home, business and ongoing court crap.

Making new ones at 62 is not easy.

Good advice!

beingmiranda posted 9/11/2013 17:52 PM

Merlin,
I agree... you have many issues, no wonder you aren't healed. One step at a time.
How about those meet up groups?

Kajem posted 9/11/2013 20:52 PM

Merlin,

No advice. Just know that you aren't alone picking yourself up out of the pit for a new beginning.

We will survive, maybe not the way we planned, but we will.

Hugs,

K

Jer2911 posted 9/14/2013 19:02 PM

Merlin what I have learned from Divorce Care is that everyone's time frame for healing is different. I have people in my group that it has been many years and they are still healing. My own situation is still so new and raw I have no idea what to expect in the healing department. I only know that with 4 kids whose WD set a horrible example for that my focus is on them. I rely on my faith and just take it minute by minute. I am working on forgiving myself because through here I have learned that marriage issues may have been partly my fault but his decision to cheat and leave his family for OW after 24 years is 100% his burden to carry. We are harder on ourselves than anyone else could ever be. Allow yourself to grieve and most of all forgive yourself. You will and I hope I will eventually reach a place of healing and peace.

Merlin posted 9/16/2013 07:42 AM

Thanks to all for your thoughts.

Somehow, I must unstick myself. And that does not seem to be happening.

Life slowly grinds to a halt. I am a great Dad. Single parenting is the most difficult thing I have ever done and I salute all of you for having the strength.