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self-rescuer posted 9/11/2013 14:53 PM

I've not posted in months but this Sunday is the 2nd anniversary of my d-day.

Unexpectedly, I am having a dreadful time. All the progress, all the effort, all the healing seems a crazy and cruel waste of time.

This has caught me by surprise and I am spinning and so very sad.

Empty.

suckstobeme posted 9/11/2013 15:11 PM

I'm sorry. The healing and all the work you've done thus far is not a waste of time. This is just a set back.

Triggers can come out of the blue and anniversaries can be very hard. Hell, a certain way the wind blows through the trees or a particular food or song could serve as a trigger for me sometimes. It doesn't mean you're back to square one. No matter how bad the set back gets, you will never be in that dark place that you were two years ago.

I think it's impossible for us to move through life without ever having another set back or crying jag. It's a trauma and one that will, in some way or another, always be there.

Regardless, the main thing to remember is that it does not matter how many times you fall. We've all stumbled and tumbled down those hills on this shitty journey. What's important is that you get back up. Go as slow as you need, but the goal is to stand back up.

Two years is not that long of a time and your D hasn't even been final for a year. Give yourself a break. You'll get there.

nowiknow23 posted 9/11/2013 15:43 PM

Keep breathing, honey. I just passed my 2nd antiversary a few weeks ago. It is ok to be spinning. It's ok to be sad. Know that you have NOT lost any ground. The healing you have done, the progress you have made - it's still there, self-rescuer. When you resurface after the antiversary passes, you'll find solid ground again.

Until then, just breathe. ((((self-rescuer))))

tesla posted 9/11/2013 20:50 PM

((((self-rescuer))))

I've missed you!
You are allowed to be sad, that does not negate your healing.

Nature_Girl posted 9/11/2013 21:49 PM

The healing and all the work you've done thus far is not a waste of time.

I agree! Not a waste of time! Instead, look at this as a time for reflection. Where there's pain there's a lesson. Pause and be proud of what you've accomplished, even if you haven't come as far as you thought you should. (I'm struggling with that right now myself)

self-rescuer posted 9/12/2013 08:54 AM

Wow - how wonderful to hear from trusted SI friends. Thank you for the encouragement and love.

This site - it continues to save my life.