Thank you, 1Faith. I had thought about posting my story with my request for help, but I had just put it on my profile and typing it out made me feel really pathetic. I couldn't do it again. I shouldn't even still be here.
He keeps telling me that I "know" who the OW is. I keep telling him that I have his word on who it is, which means nothing to me. Of course it can't be the coworker. She is married, and I'm certain the company won't stand for it. Not to mention, if I truly knew, I wouldn't feel like I was going crazy.
I've asked him for definitive proof of who I am dealing with by the end of this month. If I don't get it, I'm going to have to take the next step. I did give him the book "How to help your spouse heal" tonight and asked if he would read it. He said he would if I would agree to go back to counseling. (I told him I'm not going back because he lied about not deleting stuff anymore, and if he is going to lie I'm not wasting my time and money).
Ugh! He seems to truly want R, but then he does stupid things that I specifically ask him not to in order to help me.
Yesterday was a really bad day, and I just didn't know how to cope, which is why I had to post. Today was better, but I hate not knowing what mood tomorrow will bring. I am trying to do one little chore around the house at a time. I keep thinking that if the OW wants my life so bad, she can clean this place up! (It's not THAT bad...it just needs quite a bit of attention).
I know I have it way better than so many here. We have no money for pornography, prostitutes, etc., so that's not an issue. I just hate that the people that are supposed to love us the most have hurt us the worst.